Spirited Woman Blogger Team

Guest Blogger - Pamelah Landers - It’s Not About You - Part 3

Pamelah Landers is a leading hand analyst and author. She has read over 20,000 hands in her career.

This is her final post in her three-part series exclusively for Spirited Woman. Thanks Pamelah.

When is another person’s comments worth analyzing or "taking in?" When is it of value for you to consider what they are saying?

Your capacity to discern what is your truth and what isn’t, reflected through another person’s comments, is a very big step on the path to radical self-love. I know that when I hear a truth from somebody via compliment or acknowledgement, and it resonates with me, I choose to believe what they are saying. It feels good. It’s a match for both of us.

When I don’t take in what another says, it’s not a match. That’s my radical self-love speaking to me. My choice, on my journey is choosing to take in what another shares IF it resonates. That part is about me!

For example, recently my dear friend, Baeth, told me that she sees me as a very loving, “fairy godmother” magical person. I’m stepping into it. I can see WHY she sees that in me and I understand the magical person part well as well as the loving expression.

The ‘fairy godmother’ image is something I’m pondering – what about that feels true for me and where do I not align? Could I align? Would that feel good and be true for me?

Questions for you:

1. Can you imagine that everything another says about you isn’t about you?
2. When you compliment another and he or she doesn’t take it in, do you know that the other person’s response isn’t about you?
3. Does it make sense that when somebody shares something with you, your reception of it is your choice?
4. When something is shared with you that feels true to you, can you tell the truth to yourself?
5. When something is shared with you that doesn’t feel true, can you trust that it’s not about you?

That’s not always easy. When my mother says something to me, I have to sometimes "work extra hard" to not accept it as MY truth. It could be hers. It’s motivated by her beliefs, it’s her perspective.

Pay attention. It’s never about you, but when could it serve you to listen to another’s perspective? Your choice. Always.

- Pamelah Landers  www.HandsOnCompany.com
Click here to read more of Pamelah's posts.

Pamelah Landers, a leading hand analyst and author, specializing in relationship success provides profound insights about your Life Purpose based on your never-changing fingerprints. She has read over 20,000 in her career helping people claim and live what they were born to do. Featured frequently on radio, Pamelah is able to help listeners - in a short amount of time - to identify their style of expressing love based on the Heart Lines in their hands. Pamela is featured in the Spirited Woman 2012 Directory: Resources for an Inspired Life.

Guest Blogger - Pamelah Landers - It’s Not About You - Part 2

Pamelah Landers is a leading hand analyst and author. She specializes in relationship success and insights about your Life Purpose based on your never-changing fingerprints. She has read over 20,000 hands in her career.

In her three-part weekly series exclusively for Spirited Woman, Pamelah explains from her perspective that it really is not about you. In her first post, she writes about the road to self-love and today she gives you some examples on how to determine what is or isn’t about you.

Along the lines of being aware that whatever another says is not about me, here are some examples to consider.

If your hair stylist tells you that “you need a modern haircut,”would you believe her/him if you didn’t feel like a modern haircut would look good on you? Because it is stated, is it required that you buy into it as "being about you?”

You go to the doctor’s office or a health practitioner. He or she tells you that you are aging prematurely, that you must take some type of drug or participate in some therapeutic process in order to prevent "aging." Do YOU believe that you are prematurely aging? Does that resonate with you? Does spending $395 or $5000 on a therapeutic process match how you feel about yourself? Maybe you like premature aging or maybe it’s just an opinion that is not about you actually.

What’s motivating the other person to tell you this? Can you discern how YOU feel, what YOU want, what is YOUR truth, what works for YOU from what another is suggesting? How much power are you giving away to another because of their "degree" or "position" or "authority" when it doesn’t resonate with you?

It’s still never about you. It’s still the perspective of another person. Sometimes their point is valid, sometimes not. Your opportunity is to become so familiar with your internal guidance that you know when to accept another person’s perspective as "real" and when it’s only about the other person (well, it’s always about the other person but sometimes what they are sharing resonates with you).

Guest Blogger - Pamelah Landers - It’s Not About You

Pamelah Landers is a leading hand analyst and author. She specializes in relationship success and insights about your Life Purpose based on your never-changing fingerprints. She has read over 20,000 hands in her career.

In her fascinating 3-part weekly series exclusively for Spirited Woman, Pamelah explains from her perspective that it really is not about you and by understanding that you are on the road to self-love.

You may be familiar with this phrase: "It's not about you." I've been sharing it a lot recently, hearing myself say it out loud in conversations with others.

I know when I find myself repeating something frequently there is a message for me.

First, let's look at what this means, “It's not about you!"

When others compliment or acknowledge you, the comment is how they see you, from their perspective. You have a choice: you can believe it or not. Free will. It’s not about you although you can choose to take it personally. It’s always a reflection of what the other person believes or perceives about you. It’s their stuff.

If others make comments that feel like criticism, again, it is from that person's perspective. You can believe it or not. The principle applies regardless if the comments feel good to you or not. It’s not about you.

In the late 1980s I began some serious therapy to deal with what I suspected was sexual abuse in childhood. When I had memories of that and knew it was true, a long healing journey began. One thing my therapist said repeatedly that helped me hugely was, “it’s not about you.” It took hearing that statement multiple times (like 50!) applied to many situations before it sank in.