Now to my story. About four months ago, I met a friend, Jane Ellen Plotkin at a coffee shop in Topanga, CA - a place known for nuts, fruits, and flakes - okay my friend Jane is not a flake - but I sware to you, you feel as if you have stepped back into the hippie era. Peace, love, no war, man.
This week we met at the same coffee shop. When we were there the first time - there was a man drinking coffee who had the most gorgeous white cockatoo sitting on his shoulder (see what I mean about different? who drinks coffee with a cockatoo sitting on his shoulder?) anyway I asked the guy if I could pet his exotic bird. He said, of course.
So I reached out to pet her, and she said in the loudest voice imaginable, "I AM EMMA. I AM EMMA."
A true Spirited Woman if I ever heard one. Clearly I never forgot Emma.
Well, today Emma's Dad (a very loose description) was at the coffee shop. I walked up to him and asked him how Emma was. He almost fell over since he didn't remember me. He then said, "Emma, is at home. She is sitting on an egg." I asked why. He said, he has her sit on an egg twice a year for a week each time, so that she remembers that she is a bird. I told him to be sure and tell Emma that Nancy says hi.
I rest my case about Topanga.
And in terms of Emma - I will always hear her voice of strength. Thank you, Emma. I AM NANCY.
As I've shared with you again and again, the subject of fashion and beauty is not an easy one for me. I easily get overwhelmed by anything having to do with this subject. In particular, my hair seems to throw me into an irrational state of whether I am pretty or not. Clearly, this has to do with my childhood and self-esteem issues - all of which I've seemed to place in my hair!
Recently, I was introduced to Sonya Dove by fashion consultant Kimberly Seltzer. Sonya is the co-owner and creative director of The Doves Studio in Santa Monica, CA. She is a very highly-regarded stylist, and travels the world teaching others about hair. She is one of the world's experts on color. And as fate would have it, I also trusted Sonya enough to cut my hair which is a miracle. She is kind, a perfectionist, a good listener, and is really smart about hair.
In my next post, which will appear right before Christmas, I will show you my before and after shots of what Sonya did in terms of giving me a new look with my hair, my hair color, and make-up (actually, someone else in her salon does that). I think you will see an amazing transformation (at least, from the outside in). I am a strong believer that inner beauty is what truly makes you shine.
In the meantime, Sonya has given you some outstanding tips and advice for the holidays and beyond.
Q. Sonya, when did your love affair with hair begin? And was there a moment when you knew you would become a hairstylist that defined your life? A. I knew i have always wanted to work with people since I was a little girl. Originally at school I wanted to be a Nutritionist but I could not get a degree in biology which is what i needed, so at the time I was dating Christopher Dove, he was 15 and myself 13 years old. His family suggested to me that I go to Cosmetology school with Chris as this was what he had planned to do. The day I started I realised this was such a love. I not only could help people look good but also make them feel good from the inside out. I belong to a company here in the USA called Beauty Changes Lives, and this truly is a great statement as a new look can change your outlook on life and about yourself.
Q. Originally from England, you are the co-owner and creative director of The Doves in Santa Monica, CA. What is your salon known for? A. The Doves is known for excellent quality hair color, cutting and styling work. We are also very proud of our warm, friendly, family- like environment because we are teachers in the professional hair industry as well. We encourage our staff to collaborate and consult with each client in order to give the right result for the client. Overall our clients enjoy that we are a very professional salon and focused on giving the customer the best possible service.
Q. What do you find most women come to a hairstylist for? A. Most people come to a stylist for advice on a style and color that suits their face shape, skin color and their lifestyle. However, what most women want, is to feel as though they have been heard. They also want knowledge of what is best and why. This is why we consider the consultation process to be the most important step in our relationship with our client. Many women are looking for a change. They either want their look to be "updated" or changed completely to meet with a personal change that they have gone through.
Q. As a hairstylist what do you feel is your most important role when working with your client? A. The most important role as a stylist is to be a very good listener and try to determine what the unspoken need or desire is. For example, sometimes as a stylist you have to use a bit of psychology to sort through what the client's personal needs are and then use your professional ability to give them the look that meets both their physical and emotional needs.
We're backkkkkkk this fall with wonderful Los Angeles-based image consultant Kimberly Seltzer, owner of Elite Image Makeovers. Our first interview with Kim during the summer reflected the concept of Beauty from the Inside Out and Outside In. This time Kim is providing her feedback on "How to Brand Yourself."
As I wrote in the first post, I have always had huge issues with how I look. My hair, my outfits, the way I apply make-up - all take me back to a place that I've tried years to escape. The childhood memories and tapes of how I somehow was just not pretty enough or styled enough or thin enough. No matter what I wore or did, I felt I was not attractive.
In spring, when I first started to work with Kim, I literally could not walk into a department store without breaking into a sweat. It threw me into a panic of choices and decisions - and a "why bother anyway" attitude because I'm fat (I'm a size 6), the clothes would be too expensive and I couldn't afford them (I wasn't worth it), and I'd just return them because they wouldn't make me feel pretty.
Yep, I, the poster child for spirited women worldwide - a woman who shouts to the world "YOU ARE ENOUGH AS YOU ARE" clearly has a few issues. When it came time this fall to push myself even more out into the world and better brand myself and Spirited Woman by taking a new photo and participating in a photo shoot - I simply could not do it - I couldn't find the right outfit, photographer, hairstylist, setting, or make-up artist. The whole process overwhelmed me and nothing seemed right and nothing got accomplished, but more anxiety.
I am clearly resisting changing my look and at this point I don't even know if I want to. So, even though we are running this post on branding - I am still a work in progress. I will keep you posted as to how Kim and I work through it. This is a long post, but well worth the read. Lots of tips from Kim.
Q. Okay, let's start with a basic question. What does it mean to brand yourself? A. Branding is your personal presentation and how that influences people. It’s looking at what messages your clothes might be saying and creating confidence with clothing. Furthermore, it’s determining what clothes makes you feel good and what ones deplete your confidence so that your outside brand is congruent with who you are inside.
Q. How important is branding yourself - for your career? Is it as important in your personal life, too? A. It takes 30 seconds to make a first impression and research finds that impressions have a significant impact in the areas of financial success, authority and suitability for hire and promotion. In this economy where everyone is vying for jobs and the competition is high you need to stand out and find an unique and successful edge. An observable difference that divides who will succeed or not is that winners project a strong, confident and persuasive image. It’s important to refocus your image by creating confidence with what you wear, improving your personal presentation and enhancing your nonverbal and verbal communications so that you can make positive influences on the people you work with and develop powerful relationships.
This is my final interview in my Women of Montana series. I'm heading home to LA tomorrow and I am tired, filled with energy, buzzing around like I've had 20 cups of coffee, but loving it all.
One of the reasons why I am buzzing is I had the chance yesterday to meet Aimee McQuilkin, the dynamic, filled with energy (it rubbed off) mom of two young girls, and fashionista of Missoula. Aimee owns and operates Betty's DIvine - an absolutely divine shop if I say so myself. Terrifically trendy - it is like walking into a very hip large closet. There is a little bit of this and a little bit of that - from stylish bras to boots to jackets to jewelry to on and on.
I found Aimee's take on Montana fascinating. She originally moved to Montana to go to the University of Montana. She's never left town and she's never looked back. For her the city is a cultural melting pot. It invigorates her and keeps her moving. Armed with a psychology degree she says she uses it a lot in the store. She comes across as a woman who would help others in a pinch.
So good-bye, Montana for now. Here's Aimee in a 4-minute video and a 5-minute audio interview. Enjoy!
Well, this series on the Women of Montana is turning out to be such an adventure!
Yesterday, I had the opportunity to meet the "head mama" of Missoula. And if I had to put my money on it, Elke Govertsen, the innovative publisher of the locally-based Mamalode magazine will soon be the "head mama" from Wyoming to California (and beyond).
Elke is a bright star. Filled with ideas. The mother of two young sons, she started Mamalode in 2009 with a $400 investment and a big dream. Since then she's produced nine print magazines - with rich content and gorgeous photos - positioning each magazine with a theme, such as, "enough, letting go, connection, and adventure." Her goal is to spin magazines for mothers on their heads. Mamalode offers no recipes and no "how to's" - "which really don't make you feel enough," she says. What a concept - she actually produces a magazine that "whole mothers" can relate to and enjoy reading for its content.
Elke's media empire is growing. She has an extremely active website, www.mamalode.com, distributes about 10,000 free magazines locally, has an international subscriber base, and she's even interviewed such mama notables as Randi Zuckerberg, the sister of Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook. Below is a 5-minute video on Elke and a 10-minute audio interview. Grab a cup of coffee (or maybe milk) and meet this delightful spirited woman mama - born and raised in Montana (she even knows how to weld and fix things - geez!) Keep on truckin' Elke! Please leave your comments for her.
I'm continuing my Women of Montana series with author Kat Martin. I've known Kat for well over 10 years. We first met at a Book Expo, and then kept up our relationship when I lived in Santa Barbara, CA - and Kat was traveling back and forth between her West Coast home and Montana spread.
For years, she kept on saying, "You've got to visit us out in Montana." So finally, I did. I arrived at her beautiful ranch home on the outskirts of Missoula, near the Rock Creek River - known for its fishing and beauty. The day was gorgeous.
Kat and I spoke about the changes in the publishing biz - how her 50+ historical and contemporary romance suspense novels have sold millions of copies - and the fact that some of her recent books have made the New York Times Bestseller list.
She says, "Living in Montana is tough though. You've got to survive the elements constantly." She and her husband Larry (Western author Larry Jay Martin) are always tending to their land filled with horses, wild turkeys, and other wild critters and to their home, which Larry and his sons lovingly built. The first year on the property, Kat and Larry lived in a trailer.
Kat is living her country dream. One she created when she moved here from California, close to 20 years ago. I urge you to watch Kat's 3-minute video and to listen to the 10-minute audio to find out more about Kat and her Montana life. Be sure to leave your comments for her!
While I am here on my two week adventure, of course, I could write about the endless blue skies. The rivers that run through it. The friendly people who give the famously friendly Montana wave. Or I could focus on the history, museums, special nooks and crannies, and on and on. But, I have decided to write, take videos, and do audio recordings about the Women of Montana.
Believe you me, when I say they are a totally independent, fascinating, empowered, rugged bunch. And they're all over the place. So keep on checking into the blog. I'll upload regularly.
My first interview is with Shari Montana. Shari owns a 30+ acre place called the River Pines Farm on the outskirts of Missoula. She lovingly rescues horses, teaches equine assisted learning, is a highly-regarded artist known worldwide for her paintings and drawings of horses and women, and is an all-around SUPER WOMAN. I say this, because I am staying at Shari's farm right now, and I have watched her get up at sunrise and work until way beyond dusk - lifting 80-pound bails of hay, driving her tractor fearlessly, tending to her horses, cooking dinner and on and on. I get tired just writing about it.
It takes guts to live the life she leads with her family and numerous animals. And passion. And yes, there is a story behind her name. But, you need to watch the 2-minute video and listen to the 12-minute audio to find out what it is. Come on girls, get on your horse (wherever it may be - earth, dreams, visions) and join us for the ride! Meet Shari Montana and leave your comments for her!
A few months ago I met a lovely woman, image consultant Kimberly Seltzer, owner of Elite Image Makeovers. In fact, she was teaching a workshop on image and I was very impressed with her. Boldly, I walked up to Kim after the class, told her who I was and asked if she would work with me, so that I could write a story for Spirited Woman on my makeover experience and share the tips with you - but my real reason if truth be told, was to get a little much needed confidence in the way I look and dress and feel about myself.
From the time I was a little girl, I never felt pretty. I was constantly told by my family that what I was wearing was not right, the way I wore my hair not stylish, that I shouldn't eat certain foods or I would get fat or my skin would break out and on and on. It was an extremely critical environment were I never felt "enough" on just about every level. There were also other emotional-related issues that were so severe in the household - that I could not stand to have certain fabrics touch my skin, or I felt extremely uncomfortable in anything that constricted me - from jackets to skinny skirts to pants.
As I got older, I developed a style of wearing colorful, loose fitting comfortable clothing with leggings. Shopping in a department store or just about any store became a nightmare. Kim and I spent a long afternoon shopping in Bloomingdales no less!, and she taught me many things. But, I would say the most important thing I learned - was how attached your emotions are to your clothes. I found myself crying in the store, and releasing years of attachments to feelings that were no longer true.
Kim and I plan to go shopping again in the fall and I will write about it. In the meantime, I wanted to start you off, with Kim's initial answers as to what an image consultant does and why our clothes so often reflect who we are on the inside and out. This is a long post, but chock fulll of info and well worth the read.
Q. I know this is a basic, but what does an image consultant do? A. An image consultant is defined as “a professional who advises individuals and companies about their image. They specialize in visual appearance, verbal and nonverbal communication.” For me, the focus on the verbal and nonverbal cues AND the attire is an important distinction from say a stylist or a personal shopper. It’s not just throwing on the latest cookie-cutter trend and shopping for a client. We really look at a person’s entire presentation such as their clothing, grooming, tonality, vocabulary, facial expressions, eye contact, gestures and etiquette. We help you shop for clothes that flatter your figure, determine what colors go with your skin tone, consult with strategic partners such as hair stylists and make-up artists, assist in closet organization and more…
Q. Why would someone hire an image consultant? A. Image is extremely important no matter who you are, where you are or what you do. If you look at the definition of image, it relates to a mental conception of a person which determines how they will be treated. Our first impression of people are usually based on two elements…attire and attitude. If you think about it, image matters because people often make assumptions based on limited information. There are studies that show that we tend to observe a single physical characteristic or behavior in someone and we then assume that person has a number of other qualities too. For instance, if a man shows up on a date dressed sloppy with stains on his shirt, the woman might assume that he has a messy house and is a dirty individual. Moreover, other studies have shown that your appearance strongly influences others’ perception of your financial success, authority, trustworthiness, intelligence and suitability for hire and promotion.
These past 10 days, I have been on journey in a small coastal town - Pacific City, OR - a place I had NEVER HEARD OF until Diane Keith, e-mailed me on November 3, 2010 (less than six weeks ago!) right after I sent out a request to the Spirited Woman community for a place to un-plug and write. She wrote that she had this retreat home and sent along some pictures. Oh-my-god gorgeous.
When I looked up Pacific City on the internet, I realized it would be scenically beautiful. Filled with the hues of nature. Hard to get to (since I booked airline reservations into the wrong city - long story) and filled with solitude and friendliness. I know, a non sequitur, but a true one. I also didn't know a soul there, had never met Diane, and went completely and totally on trust.
Yes, trust. That simple word that means so much.
So, what have I discovered while I am here? Huge, huge, huge question. I've learned to let go and to lead - something that I was afraid to do. To release some fears that were way beyond necessary in my life. To write freely, live with a sense of freedom, and give myself permission to be. Just be. To remember what it is like to meet new people, have adventures, and talk to the animals. And listen to the ocean. And watch the sun set.
On this journey, in this town, I imagined what it was like to flow with the wind and rise with the stars.
My wish for all of you, is that you make your own request known - whatever it is - because I KNOW, it will change your life, too. It will open your heart and head to a new beginning of wonderment. And to calling forth the next phase of your journey.
This is my last post in my six-part series since I am now returning to LA. You can go here to read the first five. I will be putting the pictures of those I met along the way and of Diane's house on my Facebook page as well as scenic shots I took while I was here. Pictures are now up!
Every guy in Oregon wears a plaid shirt. Okay, that is a gross exaggeration - but not by much.
All 20 guys or so that I have met here (since I have mainly stayed in the house and have only been let out for a car ride somewhere, anywhere) have worn flannel plaid shirts with vests. And those camel corduroy pants. Yep. With thick brown leather shoes that lace up. With socks.
Rugged. If I do say so myself. Ready for the storm, the fire, the flood - those kind of guys.
Well, anyway, I am sure you can tell I am going a litter stir crazy. I have basically been in the same room, in the same house, writing for almost eight days. Can you believe it?
It's wonderful.
Even though I am writing, right now I am listening to K-Duk because it is dinner time and I need a companion. It's this high-energy radio station, where they play Katy Perry music, Beyonce, and other groups - I've basically never heard of. But, wait - I am out of breathe - I just finished dancing around the living room. Solo. To the beat. With my arms high in the air. Feet tapping, and face smiling.
Fab, to be a little stir crazy.
But, before I forget, Bill, one of the owner's friends - a nice guy who moved to P.C. from Southern California - came to pick me up last night to go to the local's favorite hang-out - it's called the Sportsman's Pub-N-Grub. I wanted some local color. Meet the folks. Chow down. Drink a little vino.
It was at the bar that I became fixated on plaid shirts and vests. And stories. So many of the people I met had stories. One guy - a big game hunter who also chases Big Foot - had arrived here because he made a wrong turn. Another guy, worked for the forest service, and just stayed when his job ran out. I also heard a story about a couple - a story of fate. It seems they were on a trip to Mexico. Met another couple while they were in the hot tub. Told them they wanted to move to the coast (they were from Colorado), and the other couple said why not Pacific City? Pacific City? Where's that? They now have a house in this tiny town.
So, I ask you, "What is the message of life?" When you have the answer, let me know.
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