Guest Blogger - Sallie Felton - Is This What I Signed Up For?

Life coach/author/inspirational speaker Sallie Felton co-hosts talk radio show Light at the End of the Tunnel  with her husband Conway, in which they are advocates for those suffering from depression.

This is Sallie's first post in her 3-part weekly series exclusively for Spirited Woman on “Moving Out of Your Comfort Zone.”

A colleague once said to me, “Depression is not for wimps.” Little did I know how my husband, Conway, and I would be tested during our 36 plus years of marriage. We dated for four years and within four months of marriage, depression invaded our relationship. I asked his parents if this was typical behavior, “He’s like my father, his father and it’s on Conway’s paternal side. Don’t worry; the moods go up and down, normal.” Wow! Is this what I signed up for?

Do you remember the story of Alice in Wonderland, where she was looking down the hole…that was about where I was. This hole was dark, silent, unresponsive and urging me to enter. Depression? I barely heard the word growing up, I was devoid of its meaning, what did I know? I was about to open doors I never dreamed of entering.

I was full of FEAR!

There were no earlier signs; no symptoms of fatigue, loss of interest, sadness, worthlessness or problems   making decisions, etc. My inner-self was asking, “Did I have what it took to deal with all of this? What spirited parts of myself did I need to summon?" I had no answers, I was lost, walking on egg shells.

Shocked and feeling alone, I told my story to my primary care physician. “I feel invisible and am not happy in this relationship,” were many of my comments. He suggested I speak to a therapist. If I was choosing to live with him; I needed to know what to do for myself first!

There were two things I could do: (1) say nothing, continue to live in status quo or (2) choose what was best for me. I CHOSE ME. When I think of myself as a Spirited Woman, the acronym below shows which parts of me, my values/characteristics I had to have/carry in my toolbox in order to deal with this:

S.P.I.R.I.T.E.D W.O.M.A.N

Strength to support

Persistence to not lose hope

Integrity to stand tall

Resiliency to go through the hard times

Interact with my childlike side, use humor and creativity

Tenderness to understand

Expression, especially when I was falling apart

Directness, when speaking with the doctors

Willingness to keep going

Observant when watching his success

Mindfulness to hold me still

Aesthetic around me to have order

Nurture myself at all times

Yes, it has been strengthening and challenging living with someone diagnosed with this disease. The good news is, we have both grown and thrived TOGETHER. It has given us: empathy, tenderness, unyielding support, better communication, patience, respect and made us closer. I have stepped out of my comfort zone. What about you? What have you done? I'd love to know.

- Sallie Felton, http://www.salliefeltonglifecoach.com
Click here to read more of Sallie's posts.

Sallie Felton is a radio talk show host, life coach, hypnotherapist, author, facilitator and inspirational speaker. Her two radio shows: A Fresh Start with Sallie Felton is designed to provide conscious raising topics to empower listeners; she and her husband, Conway, co-host Light at the End of the Tunnel in which they are advocates for those suffering from depression. Sallie is the co-author of 4 books-- two with Deepak Chopra and Stephen Covey. Sallie’s upcoming book, If I’m So Smart, Why Can’t I Get Rid Of This Clutter? is due out fall 2011.

Comments

[Allison Blankenship]

Sallie, thank you so much for sharing your story. Depression runs in my family as well and it seems to be the one "secret" people are unwilling to share and even acknowledge. My young adult son struggles and it is encouraging to hear that women like you are willing to go the distance. Very inspiring -- thank you!

[sallie felton]

Linda, great question. "M" is for Mindfulness on my blog. That means staying in the moment, not catastrophizing about the past or the future. Knowing what is real and not having my brain WORRY about the "what if's, when will we tell when?, what if this doesn't work?" All those inner thoughts that jump onto your shoulder when you find yourself struggling to breathe. When that happens, I stand tall, take a deep breath and tell myself what is REAL, WHAT IS TRUE...and then I begin to ask myself what I need to do to nurture myself. What brings me a smile, what brings me laughter on the dark days while supporting him. Take whatever time you need to get the rest and energy to revitalize yourself. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, STAY IN THE PRESENT MOMENT!
Next week's post talks about what you need...stay tune.

[Linda Jay Geldens]

Welcome, Sallie, as a Guest Blogger. I've been a member of the Spirited Woman International Blogger Team since March 2009. Good post! Could you explain the definition of M in Spirited Woman - Mindfulness to hold me still? Thanks.