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« Dawn Expands Her Beat - She'll Be Interviewing Spirited Women from Around the World | Main | Rev Up Your SQ »

March 07, 2009

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Tracywriter

This SO speaks to the fact that there needs to be more women in government at any level and in law enforcement. You cannot effectively protect those who have no face or voice in the organizations that have the power to legislate and women are STILL underrepresented an all corporate, government and law enforcement orgs. Also....high schools need to have this added as a component to life skills classes if these are even taught.

Karen Swim

Kristin, thank you for courageously addressing the cycle of abuse. It can be difficult for those of us on the outside to understand why someone who is abused simply does not walk away. After all some women would never look back if a man abused them one time. Yet, others stay in abusive situations for months, years or even to death. I would not dare judge or call anyone "stupid" for being abused. I do believe Rihanna and other women like her need help to understand the severity of this situation. It sounds as if her family loves her and has advised her against returning to this relationship. In my experience even offering loving support and advice does not stop a woman from going back to an abuser. I am not suggesting we stand by and do nothing, we need to have the strength to keep reaching out, keep talking about this issue and most importantly help every woman see their value and worth and to demand better than to be abused by anyone.

Kristin

Thank you for sharing Pam. You are right, she needs to get away from him. I hope someone who really cares for her and has her best interest at heart steps in and helps her get away from him to re-group. Let's hope she hears all of our Spirited Women support!
Kristin

Pamela Thomas

The saddest part is that when he does do it again (& yes, Oprah, he surely will) this young woman may be so ashamed, she will not seek help or admit to what happened. First you go into a state of shock, then denial, then for some strange reason, guilt, as if YOU did something to deserve it...he has alienated her from friends & family, & what she may not get yet is that she has an addiction to HIM!!! He has her lock, stock & barrel-she is young, impressionable & in love with him, so he has total control. She needs to get away from him physically for at least 6 months & get counseling. He needs to go to jail to send a message that no matter who you are & how much money you have, this is not okay. The only hope for her is for someone to intervene & show her how & why this happens. She is not the first & saddly won't be the last. You always feel as though you are the only one this happens to. No matter how young or old you are, this shakes you to your very core & causes you to question yourself in ways you've never imagined. The physical abuse always comes with emotional & verbal abuse. This young woman needs to be taught how to break her addiction to this man once & for all.

Kristin

Rori,
Thanks for your comment. I know Rihanna's parents are very supportive but I agree that someone needs to step in and get her help (either for self confidence or anger management depending on what really went down that night). Look at how out of control Britney was and her parents FINALLY laid down the law. I hope she has someone like you in her life.
Kristin

Rori Raye

I normally like to turn things on their heads, see the other side, be provocative, be loving toward the violent in the name of healing, and though it's utterly important for a public person to be a role model, I'm also pulled by my strong feeling of the necessity of everyone charting their own emotional course because there are lessons in that, too - I want to personally put a chain around Rihanna and put her in therapy for a month to keep her away from her addiction to this man. And it may not help, anyway. So sad. Thanks for the post, Rori

Kristin

Lori,
Thank you for commenting. I am doing my Oprah show post right now. Isn't Oprah amazing? if he hits you once, he'll hit you again - I hope everyone out there is listening to you and Oprah. I am sorry for your loss.
Thanks for sharing,
Kristin

Kristin

Eloah- Thank you for your comment and for pointing out that "There is NO love in violence" So true. Thank you for staying strong too!

Eloah

This is such an important topic and not exclusive to Rihanna obviously. From the little bit that I have read about this, I understand that this altercation was triggered by Rihanna questioning Chris about a text message he received in his cell from another woman. Boy have I been there! The difference in my situation is that my partner/husband not only humbled himself and admitted to the wrong behavior, but begged forgiveness and is doing all he can to make it up to me. He NEVER laid a hand on me. If he had, I would absolutely be gone. That is PURE EGO and arrogance on Chris' part. I pray that Rihanna cares enough about herself to push on. This is a Boundary and NOT a dotted line. Women everywhere need to embrace their beauty and know that they were created to be treasured and loved. There is NO love in violence. It is not passion. That is a lie. It is only evil anger and there is no room for that in a loving realtionship.
We must remember who we are and why we are on this planet.
Even Jesus, didn't just "appear"; he came through the body of a Woman.

Peace & Light...

Lori Boxer

I don't know what disgusted me more, quite honestly ... this Brown scum beating Rihanna, or her deciding to NOT press charges and instead to get back together with him. I have had a personal experience with this kind of thing ... and let me tell you ... domestic abuse DOES happen in nice, upscale, wealthy communities like Holmdel, NJ as well. After losing a dear, dear friend in 2003, whose husband choked her to death in their garage while interrupted by their then 7-year old daughter, I had the good fortune of being a witness for the Prosescution here in New Jersey as the State of NJ brought to a successful conclusion that chapter in my life. To see that guy get almost 50 years in prison, with NO CHANCE of parole, was justice served.

What Oprah said is true ... if he hits you once, he'll hit you again. Those are the exact words that every detective told me as well. Take it seriously, Rihanna .. he's not going to change ... or, perhaps he will ... after years of sitting in prison after he's killed you.

Kim Louise

I am not sure if this is the place or not but if one person can take the strength to walk away from a situation then I know my words were not in vain
The Past

You must forget the past it’s gone away
But I can’t, it haunts me every day
The sun can shine, but clouds are grey
I wish it all would go away

For ten years I thought I was going insane
Now I know it was torment and pain
I could not tell another soul
About my life in that hellish hole

On the surface I learnt to smile
I felt that life was a continuous trial
I woke in the mornings full of dread
Because I knew at night it was bed

Twenty four hours a day I wait
Knowing an explosion was my fate
I survived the kicks, punches and slaps
Feeling my breath and energy sap

The torture I hated that hurt and harmed
Was the mental twisting like a constant alarm
Never knowing what to say to appease
He was cruel, brought me down to my knees

I have seen the cold silver blade
My life has been a blur, as it slowly fades
Threats to leave were a play for attention
To him it was just more cruel fun

Every hour of every day
I wanted to escape to run away
But where would I go what would I do
Who would I turn to, please tell me who

Bruises fade, scars heal in time
My memories stay vivid, I can see them fine
Words of spite, hatred in face
Where was the love, not even a trace

I needed strength to break away
However I was weak from the battles each day
I asked for help in the dark of the night
Just help me please show me the light

I am so sorry, hold my hand he said
I love you so much but his voice was dead
Let me love, cherish and protect forever
Oh his words were very clever

If love is a suffocation of life
And cherish is to threaten with a knife
I needed protection but it was not you
You really did not have a clue

My life was a sorry state
I needed out before it was to late
He left one day out of the blue
I smiled for the first time what else could I do

Oh the story does not end just there
I wish it did, but life is not fair
He begged and pleaded take me back
By now his clothes were in a sack
A sudden rush of courage kicked in
This war I was going to win

Kristin

Thank you Kim. You are an inspiration!
Kristin

Kim Louise

I so agree, been there got the tee-shirt. I was stupid forgave but they don't change ,don't give a second chance, I am so glad I am out of it now .This is to everyone, you are special you are important don't let anyone make you think otherwise.

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