Spirited Woman Blogger Team

Guest Blogger - Shari Covens - Are Your Words Your Friend or Foe?

“I always pick guys who are commitment-phobes.”
“I never make enough money.”
“I get sick every October.”

Sound familiar?

Time and time again, day in and day out, most people unconsciously limit themselves with their words. What difference do your words make? Your words are the fuel behind your actions. When you make proclamations about your life, you can’t help but continue to choose actions that will perpetuate the conditions described by your words, even if those conditions are undesirable. Every time you make a statement like “I always pick men/women who are unavailable,” you are programming yourself to continue making that choice. You restrict yourself from the possibility of choosing differently.

How can your words have such a strong effect on your life? Your words program your subconscious. Your subconscious mind doesn’t discern between words that describe what you want and words that describe conditions that may have been true in the past that you don’t want. And by “in the past,” I mean as recently as a second ago. By choosing your words wisely, you allow the possibility of making new choices right now that can help you break free from the prison of your past patterns.

As far as your subconscious is concerned, every word is a prayer. When you repeat a statement like, “I never make enough money,” it is as if you are placing your order to the Universe.  At the energetic level, your subconscious doesn’t know the difference between your giving prayers of thanks for your blessings, as in, “I give thanks for my abundant good health,” or your complaining, “I get sick every October.” Each statement is interpreted as an intention or desire and reinforces the requested outcome.

Guest Blogger - Shari Covens - What is the "Human Condition?"

Recently, on two separate occasions while I was sharing my belief that our life journey is meant to be joyful, someone said to me, “But isn’t anger/pain/sadness the human condition?"

Why do so many people believe to suffer is the "human condition?” It seems to me a lot like saying, “life is hard.” It all depends on your perspective. And the beauty of perspective is that it can be changed. 

The belief that life must be suffered through reflects a misunderstanding about who we are and why we’re here. We are souls whose purpose is to evolve. We're meant to learn how to overcome suffering. Life isn’t hard. It just is. We are the ones who give meaning to life’s events, and we have the power to change that meaning.

Easy for me to say, right? Consider this: Most of us have known or heard of people who live in the most challenging circumstances with few comforts, yet who are happy and at peace. Likewise, we know people who live in luxury and seem to have every imaginable advantage, and who are miserable. The difference lies in how they view life and their circumstances. The disadvantaged soul may deeply appreciate his few blessings and find joy in being alive, in enjoying the beauty of nature and other simple pleasures. On the other hand, the person who has everything may still feel deprived; they will never have enough because nothing outside of them can change their feeling of deprivation to one of satisfaction. Change can only come from within.

Happiness is a choice, and from that choice comes all other blessings and the ability to fulfill your potential.  To illustrate this fact, I often refer to Nelson Mandela being imprisoned in solitary confinement for so many years before the end of apartheid and his election to the presidency of South Africa. He could have emerged from prison a bitter and vengeful man, poisoned by resentment towards his captors. Instead, in his solitude he found his peace and was able to go forward and lead all his countrymen—even those who imprisoned him—with poise, wisdom, and love. 

Guest Blogger - Shari Covens - What is Unforgivable?

I had the good fortune to see a perfectly wonderful play titled Forgiveness at the Black Dahlia Theater here in Los Angeles. The acting was flawless and the message was profound. As indicated by the title, the story illustrated how hard it can be to forgive a horrendous act, and revealed the redemption that comes with forgiveness.

The play made me think of past discussions I’ve had or overhead about “unforgivable” offenses. I learned long ago to keep my thoughts to myself around people whom I knew would have a hard time accepting my belief that nothing is unforgivable. I know this concept may be startling to many people, but if you consider that forgiving is something you do for yourself and not for others, it begins to make sense.

The ancient Hindu text, the Vedanta, states that holding onto resentment is like “drinking poison and then waiting for your enemy to die.” Anger and resentment are literally toxic to your body and soul. These poisonous emotions are said to be stored in the liver, which can lead to disease. Kinesiology (muscle testing) reveals that focusing on anger and resentment weakens the entire body, while focusing on loving thoughts strengthens the body.

I’m not suggesting you have to feel a lot of love for those who commit offenses. Once you understand, however, that all wrongdoings are committed by disturbed individuals, then you can accept that the appropriate response to offensive behavior is compassion for the perpetrator. What?! Forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone hurtful behavior or refrain from taking legitimate steps to right a wrong. But feeling compassion means you are able to acknowledge the suffering of people who harm others, and to recognize that those who cause suffering are reacting from their own woundedness and misunderstandings. Right about now you’re likely thinking, “What about Hitler?” I would reply that he was a very sick man who was reacting from a large number of real or imagined traumas.

Forgiveness also does not mean that you should suppress your anger. If you feel anger—or any other toxic emotion—it is important to fully acknowledge it so it can be released. Beat up a pillow, yell at the top of your lungs (privately), express your anger fully. By giving your painful emotion the attention it needs, you can allow it to quickly dissipate.  The faster you release your anger, the sooner you are able to return to a neutral place inside from which you can more easily find your heart and move to compassion—not only for the “enemy,” but also for the victim(s), whether it was you or others who suffered from hurtful acts. As one of the highest vibrating energies, compassion, like unconditional love, is a healing tonic for body and soul.