Spirited Woman Blogger Team

Guest Blogger - Sallie Felton - “THAT’S NOT WHAT I SAID!”

Life coach/author/inspirational speaker Sallie Felton co-hosts talk radio show Light at the End of the Tunnel  with her husband Conway, in which they are advocates for those suffering from depression.

This is Sallie's final post in her 3-part weekly series exclusively for Spirited Woman on “Moving Out of Your Comfort Zone.”

“YOU NEVER HEAR ME, THAT’S NOT WHAT I SAID!”  What brings out the Spirit in you? Does your back straighten, do you wince, do you retreat or strike back?

I don’t know about you, but when I wonder if what I said is what the other person hears. Tricky communications come in many forms: passive and aggressive, just to name two.

Let’s take the passive communicator. You’re in a relationship, the plan is to go out and celebrate your birthday. The conversation ensues about the time you’re to meet; he’s thrilled he’s made all the arrangements.

He: “If you can make it here by 8:15 this evening that would be great.”
She: “OK.”

When she arrives at 8:35pm looking “hot," he’s on the phone canceling the reservation. “What are you doing!” She screams, puzzled AND confused at over hearing his conversation with the hostess.

Now there’s more than meets the eye with this scenario. First, she has a history of always being late, his patience is wearing thin and he’s at his breaking point. He felt he’d arranged a wonderful evening for her only to have her “appear” to not make it a priority by being there on time. They bantered.

He: “I asked you to be here by 8:15.”
She: “No, you asked if I could make it by 8:15. I heard it as a 50/50, I could be there or not.”

Guest Blogger - Sallie Felton - Stepping Out...Giving Back and Its Benefits

Life coach/author/inspirational speaker Sallie Felton co-hosts talk radio show Light at the End of the Tunnel  with her husband Conway, in which they are advocates for those suffering from depression.

This is Sallie's second post in her 3-part weekly series exclusively for Spirited Woman on “Moving Out of Your Comfort Zone.”

Last week I wrote about Is This What I Signed Up For?, learning about and the effects of depression, and what it takes to be that support for my husband. What I realized…I was “giving” 24/7 within the confines of our four walls. Remember earlier I used the acronym for Spirited Woman and the “N” stood for NURTURE? Here is where I had to muster my strength and nurture myself!

So what would it be like to give back, nurture myself, and what did that mean? For me, it is the willingness to give of oneself, freely and without reciprocity. Let me share some ideas…it’s giving back to those you love, those who are less fortunate and those who are troubled. (Did you know that research has shown us when AA members support others in their group, the rate of sobriety is 95 percent? It has also shown that when we show concern for others: empathize with a friend who’s lost a loved one or pet, pick up groceries for someone in need, do an errand, mow a lawn, shovel the snow or mentor/support someone our health improves.) If someone is depressed and volunteers at a shelter, food bank, etc., the depression is lessened…why? Two major reasons: 1) your body produces endorphins (a natural high) and 2) the ego is left at the door.

Now it was my turn and what was I going to do? As a Spirited Woman, I loved my sense of curiosity and spontaneity; so it made sense to see what my neighbors needed. While they were on vacation, I tore through their gardens; weeding, watering and gathering their produce (which would have spoiled if ripened on the vines). I took the flowers and veggies to friends who were sick, injured or just had a baby. I divided my own garden perennials, then wrote a note “From the Garden Fairy” and left one to my accountant, my bank teller and my computor tutor. And how did I feel?

Guest Blogger - Sallie Felton - Is This What I Signed Up For?

Life coach/author/inspirational speaker Sallie Felton co-hosts talk radio show Light at the End of the Tunnel  with her husband Conway, in which they are advocates for those suffering from depression.

This is Sallie's first post in her 3-part weekly series exclusively for Spirited Woman on “Moving Out of Your Comfort Zone.”

A colleague once said to me, “Depression is not for wimps.” Little did I know how my husband, Conway, and I would be tested during our 36 plus years of marriage. We dated for four years and within four months of marriage, depression invaded our relationship. I asked his parents if this was typical behavior, “He’s like my father, his father and it’s on Conway’s paternal side. Don’t worry; the moods go up and down, normal.” Wow! Is this what I signed up for?

Do you remember the story of Alice in Wonderland, where she was looking down the hole…that was about where I was. This hole was dark, silent, unresponsive and urging me to enter. Depression? I barely heard the word growing up, I was devoid of its meaning, what did I know? I was about to open doors I never dreamed of entering.

I was full of FEAR!

There were no earlier signs; no symptoms of fatigue, loss of interest, sadness, worthlessness or problems   making decisions, etc. My inner-self was asking, “Did I have what it took to deal with all of this? What spirited parts of myself did I need to summon?" I had no answers, I was lost, walking on egg shells.

Shocked and feeling alone, I told my story to my primary care physician. “I feel invisible and am not happy in this relationship,” were many of my comments. He suggested I speak to a therapist. If I was choosing to live with him; I needed to know what to do for myself first!

There were two things I could do: (1) say nothing, continue to live in status quo or (2) choose what was best for me. I CHOSE ME. When I think of myself as a Spirited Woman, the acronym below shows which parts of me, my values/characteristics I had to have/carry in my toolbox in order to deal with this: