Spirited Woman Blogger Team

What Do You Resist?

Have you ever heard the saying “What you resist, persists,” attributed to the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Yung?

I find this principal simple to understand, but very difficult to integrate into my everyday way of being. The concept, as I understand it, is trying to tell you that anything that you don’t want in your life will continue to occur as long as you are putting your attention on it. So, if you are in any type of challenge - financial problems, heartbreak, illness, etc--- the more you dwell on it, talk about it or worry about it, the more it continues to be a part of your life. Even if you are saying to yourself, I don’t want this, I want this to stop, I want this to change – you are still strongly engaging the negative, and therefore creating more of it with your thoughts.

There are probably hundreds of books, seminars and tapes out talking about this idea of keeping your focus positively on the outcome of what you do want or need, feeling as if you already have it. But, how do you do it? If you really are worried or feeling stress over an issue in your life, how can you learn to shift your emotions to good feeling ones?

In my constant quest for self-awareness, most of what I’ve learned says to start with changing your thoughts and then your emotions will change. I think this is true, but it is easier said than done. It is actual “work” to constantly shift your mind and your body when you just don’t have those good feelings inside yourself – yet. The key word being –YET!

As spirited women, you probably already know how to live your life with acceptance and hopeful anticipation of what is coming to you. That doesn’t mean you don’t feel bad at times, but I think the message in Carl Yung’s famous saying is to move through it, be o.k. with where you are now instead of fighting against it and, most importantly, focusing with faith that what you do want is on its way to you.

Do you have experience with resisting and persisting in your life? How do you stop resisting?

- Maureen Keyte
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Livin' Small

Small rooms or dwellings discipline the mind; large ones weaken it. -- Leonardo Da Vinci, Italian painter, sculptor, musician, author (1452-1519)

I saw an article in the local paper last week that really caught my eye -- a man was arrested in Sausalito because he was living in his small storage space.

The thing is, he wasn't supposed to be living in a storage space in the first place, let alone with...a bed, electricity, cable TV, and...168 bags of marijuana!  My comment:  smokin'!

So now that downsizing is chic, and is even a desirable goal if one is to "live smart" in these economic times, it boggles the mind to think that there are still mega-mansions with 18 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms, and 3 rooms exclusively used for wrapping gifts.

Could you be happy living in a 300-square-foot apartment?  Take a look at this video.

As my husband and I gingerly tackle the mammoth task of purging items and papers and clothes, oh my!, we are attempting to keep in mind that livin' small is ultimately a goal we'll be very, very happy to reach!

You know you have reached perfection of design not when you have nothing more to add, but when you have nothing more to take away. -- Antoine de St. Exupery, French writer (The Little Prince), 1900-1944

Linda Jay Geldens, www.LindaJayGeldens.com
Click here for more of Linda's posts.

It's All Perspective...

One of the newly-married skirmishes I encountered with my husband was leaving dishes on the kitchen counter. I begged, pleaded and cajoled – to no avail. He did improve by leaving the dishes in the sink but they still never made it to the dishwasher.

One night, no longer able to hold in my frustration,I lashed out and accused Larry of not caring about my feelings or loving me enough to put those dishes away. He laughed. This was not going well…

Larry then explained what the dishes in the sink represented to him. His chore from the age of five years old until he left for college was to wash the dishes every night after dinner. He couldn’t quite reach the sink as a little tyke, so his dad made him a stool.As Larry grew, his father trimmed down the stool legs. He washed dishes every night for 13 years.

As an adult, those dishes on the counter represented his freedom and his choice. I got it. As is so often the case, the situation had nothing to do with me – it was all a matter of perspective. Now, if the dish pile bothers me, I put them away.  More times than not,I leave them and Larry puts them away.Problem resolved.

Interestingly enough, Larry’s parents installed a dishwasher after he and his sister left home. Again, it’s all a matter of what side of the towel you are on!

- Allison Blankenship, http://www.allisonspeaks.com,  http://www.UpsideTheBook.com
Click here to read more of Allison's posts.

Guest Blogger - Rosemarie Vertullo - Where Do I Go From Here?

Photo by Rosemarie Vertullo "In a charming mountain village of Eze near Monaco. Population is 16 although tourists at any time are in the thousands. Earle was walking through an alley and I snapped that shot. I thought it was beautiful."

Retired sales executive Rosemarie Vertullo, continues her up close and personal three-part series about her life after retirement. This is her final post in the series. Thanks Rosemarie!

I’ve been enjoying my time immensely painting my new life canvas since my last official day of work four months ago.

My partner Earle and I went on a vacation to France in mid-May, and it was glorious.  We toured Paris, many beautiful cities in Provence as well as Monaco for 17 days, and we couldn’t get enough.  It was so great NOT having to check with the office or constantly check my iPhone for urgent email.  For the first time in my adult life, when I returned home, I didn’t have to go back to work the next day or for that matter for the foreseeable future!  It was an unbelievable feeling of relaxation.  I didn't even unpack for an entire week – no rushing to the dry cleaners or to get the laundry done -- and I had no guilt.  Jet lag was actually a pleasurable experience!  We went away on vacation and came home to yet another vacation.

Our summer has been full of activities – lots of socializing with relatives and friends – brunches, lunches, dinners, and a few trips to beautiful nearby Healdsburg.  In addition, we attended two Metropolitan Opera HD performances at our local theater, “Twelfth Night” at Shakespeare in the Park in our hometown of Napa, several lecture series, helped out at my grandchildren’s annual swim team marathon, pet-sat for my cute grand-dog, Henry, while my grandchildren vacationed at the beach, got massages, manicures, pedicures, and more!  In short...I’m having the time of my life!

I am SO looking forward to rekindling my interest in photography.  I love it, and I always find myself mentally composing a photograph of whatever I see.  When I look at a person’s face, I want to frame it in ambient light.  When I go for a walk or a bike ride, look at beautiful scenery, get close to a flower or a leaf, I see in my mind’s eye a wonderful photo.  I got some fantastic shots with my cell phone camera while we were in France, and I'm sure I can take remarkable photos if I use more professional equipment.  My film camera is so old and I really need new digital equipment.  It's so terrific that I now have the time to really educate myself about the type of camera I want to buy.

I have always been a good cook, but despite my heritage, I have never excelled at Italian cuisine.  I always depended on my parents and my siblings to do it for me.  But ... ah, now I have the time to explore my mom’s delicious recipes, which I know I will NEVER be able to duplicate, although I will do my best.  Sadly, Mama, Papa, and Sister are departed, but I can still tap into my Brother’s brain for tips on how Mama cooked.  You know, she never measured anything; her recipes consisted of “lists of ingredients,” and that’s all!  She just went by “taste” and “aroma,” and it always turned out perfectly!  Mama Theresa was the greatest Italian cook, by far!

Just Chill

Spirited women, as you read this post, I am officially on vacation. I am in Cambria, California an idyllic haven that offers my family and me a unique sort of respite, a place to “chill out” figuratively as well as literally, given that it’s also a cool escape from the blistering Arizona summer.

I strive for peace and quiet amidst the busyness of my life. Yet the world is not quiet. That is not a judgment, rather it is an observation. Whether one is a public servant, a public figure – or even a monk – this “disquiet” can seep into the psyche, creating discord that impacts the quality of our lives and those we care about and interact with daily.

In the past, I have written of the importance of rest and renewal. And, as is so often the case, I have observed a theme this past week: A dearth of rest. So many people are starved for a break, for peace and for release. The definition of rest is broad. It can mean temporary cessation from an activity as well as relief or freedom from disquiet or disturbance. Rest includes recreation, and it can literally re-create our outlook, equipping us with renewed drive and energy to use as we choose.

Some of us “rest” in motion…through vigorous physical activity, or an active break from routine. Others need stillness and contemplation. The idea of a nap or an afternoon under a beach umbrella may satisfy some and not others. For me, the simple absence of a schedule provides supreme rest.

We’ve been resting in Cambria each summer for the last six years. On the first day of our first trip there, Arthur and I were having lunch at a wonderful sidewalk table at a Cambria classic, the Indigo Moon. Our dogs Whisper and Amigo were with us. Just as our server approached, another vacationing dog passed by our table. Whisper, the Malamute, tends to challenge other dogs, and this was no exception.  The server looked her straight in the eye and cut her off mid-growl. “Chill doggie,” she said calmly. “This is Cambria.” Amazingly, both dogs “chilled.” From that day forward, time in Cambria came to represent a time to take a deep breath and relax.

Maybe you too can visit Cambria, in person or in your dreams. Until then, just chill.

It’s that frenetic energy that keeps us stuck in perpetual ‘fight or flight’ and that keeps us in an energetic fear loop that robs us of truly being present, enjoying life, and connecting deeply with our loved ones. - Resting expert Dan Howard

Andrea Chilcote, www.morningstarventures.com, www.erikshope.com
Click here for more of Andrea's posts.

Guest Blogger - Rosemarie Vertullo - The New Me

What does it mean to "Let Go?" Really let go and enter a new phase of your life. Retired sales executive Rosemarie Vertullo, is our new guest blogger. In her three-part series, she writes in an up close and personal way about her life after retirement. In her first post Retirement or Reflection? she gives us a peek at her new life. In this her second post, she writes about the "New Me" - basically a discovery about her new identity. In her upcoming third post, she will write about "Where Will I Go From Here?" Hmmm. Interesting question. Stay tuned.

I have never, ever in my life felt that I didn’t have an answer to the question, “What do you do?” Even when I was a young stay-at-home mom in the late '60s and early '70s – a time when they called us “homemakers” – I proudly answered that question. I used to say, “I work as a developer of emerging youngsters who are my sons, and I am grooming them to one day become productive contributors to society.” That answer always perked up a lot of people and led to stimulating discussions.

When I entered the corporate workforce in the late ‘70s, I loved my career and loved telling people what my title was. It was an exciting time when women were beginning to make their mark in the work force as more than just "the assistant to….” I soared through the ranks to the top, and competed with the best. I proudly answered the question “What do you do?” with my newest title, and could always engage in a discussion about my industry and my exciting job.

But...how do I answer that question nowadays? Exactly what do I do, anyway? Who am I, anyway? This is such a new transition. I really don’t want to respond, “I’m retired.” That not only sounds boring; it sounds old, as if I've given up and reached the end of the line. Nothing could be further from the truth!  I am a vibrant woman in my late 60s, and I am just beginning to discover the new me! I’m a jogger, zip liner, photographer, telephone talker, exotic vacationer, wine connoisseur, gourmet cook, modern grandmother who teaches her grandchildren to be free spirits, partner to someone I love, and caring friend. I have also embarked on blogging, through this Spirited Woman site!

This is quite a transition, moving from corporate life with all its responsibilities to full-time personal life, where I can focus on what I want to do. After all, spending almost 35 years in corporate America is nothing to sneeze at. That was more than half my life! Yes, it is proving difficult to let go of a life that I loved, one that gave me intellectual stimulation, financial freedom, personal self-esteem, challenges. I could go on and on.

No Connection! My Technology Vacation

For the last nine days, I’ve been without internet or voicemail and extremely limited email. Surprisingly, it was easier than I thought it would be…

It wasn’t until day six that I started to miss being “connected.” And actually, I think that was just out of boredom more so than missing technology. My husband Larry and I spent nine days travelling in northern Michigan to visit his family. Rather than stay in a hotel, we opted to bunk in with various family members wherever they could fit us. It certainly made getting a shower interesting with five adults vying for one bathroom!

The first few days of our trip were spent rekindling family friendships, making new ones with young nieces and nephews, and getting caught up on the last few years. There were occasional jaunts about town to try new restaurants and leave tourist dollars with the shopkeepers. We ventured out to Amish country, took the ferry to beautiful Mackinac Island and spent a lazy afternoon floating down river on a pontoon boat. At night there were campfires and s’mores, and perhaps a few adult beverages sneaked in…

But by day six, we had seen all the sights, shared our stories and laughed ourselves silly. We also watched no television during this time and my brain started to get restless. It needed a focus, something tangible to hang on to – so I read a book. What a novel idea!

The blessing of this time is that we could really relax and be present with each other. All the adults adhered to visiting without the assistance of technology – the children were usually the first to complain and request games on their parent’s phones in the evening.

After such a respite, it was a bit unsettling to arrive at the airport to see all these heads buried over cell phones and iPads. There was no conversation between couples, screams when games were taken away from young hands, and much flurry to book new flights when a rainstorm moved in. Oh sure, I’ll be one of the first to post new photos on Facebook, but for now, I’ve got one more day before it’s time to embrace technology again. I’ll be that woman reading a book and eating a giant chocolate chip cookie… I’m in no hurry to end technology vacation!

- Allison Blankenship, http://www.allisonspeaks.com,  http://www.UpsideTheBook.com
Click here to read more of Allison's posts.

Guest Blogger - Rosemarie Vertullo - Retirement - Or, Reflection?

What does it mean to "Let Go?" Really let go and enter a new phase of your life. Retired sales executive Rosemarie Vertullo, is our new guest blogger. In her three-part series exclusively for Spirited Woman, Rosemarie writes in an up close and personal way about her life after retirement. Welcome Rosemarie!

Retired, retirement – really! What do those words mean? They make it sound like I was once tired and now I’m tired again and need to rest until my final day. Wrong!!! This is actually an incredibly happy time of my life and something that I have looked forward to for quite a while. This chapter should be called Rejuvenation, Revitalization, or something really wonderful, like Reinvention.

I had been a sales professional in the pharmaceutical/medical industry on both the East and West coasts for my entire 34-year career. I worked my way up the corporate ladder from sales representative to my last position as Senior Director of Sales for North America for a major corporation. Not bad for an Italian-American, Catholic school girl who grew up in the '50s in the Bronx!

I loved what I did in my career, as it was very stimulating and rewarding. I got to meet interesting, intelligent people and traveled a great deal. I visited every state in the U.S. and countries like Japan, Australia, Croatia, and Switzerland, to name a few. Recently I made a decision to give this all up because I wanted to embark on a new, exciting chapter in my life.

But my working friends keep asking me, “Rosemarie, what do you have planned, now that you are retired?” or “Aren’t you going to be bored?” “You were a high-powered sales executive, always on the go, always at the top of your game. How can you just stop?” My response is, “Planned? Bored? Stop?”

I will NOT be bored! NOT stop! That’s what “retirement” is all about! Consider this though – never having to wake up to the sound of an alarm clock so you can rush to the office. Never looking at my schedule again, never feeling pressured about a deadline again!

Here is what I will do. I will make sure to keep my PJs on till noon, make all those phone calls I've been wanting to make to long-time friends, work out in the middle of the day when the gym is empty, spend more time with my partner, Earle, and make love in the afternoon (like Cecilia in Simon & Garfunkel’s song), shop for a new camera and renew my interest in my long-lost hobby of photography, which I never had time for when I was working in my high-pressure corporate job. Whew, I think I will be very busy indeed!

Third Culture Kids

We are driving to Germany to visit our son. He is a Third Culture Kid.

He was raised by parents of one culture whose job took them to live in a second culture. Such kids make friends like themselves and together form their own third culture. Life becomes perpetual tourism.

My son’s move to Europe does not surprise me. His biological clock is on Foreign Service time — he gets the urge to move every three to four years. Like almost 50% of TCKs, it took multiple universities to earn a degree, but the advanced degree came easier. And like a huge number of TCKs, he seeks employment overseas. His soul craves the extra stimulation of working in a foreign language and culture. Life is dull without a multi-stimuli existence.

The ability to manage this lifestyle was fostered by excellent international schools with outstanding teachers. Field trips equaled tourism Americans dream of: visiting Rhineland castles or the Pyramids, rafting the Ganges, and sailing the South China Sea. And yes, all you American kids, TCKs must also visit museums—the Louvre, the Prado.

One of the hardest questions for a TCK is: where are you from? This son is still deciding. Every time I look at his Facebook page, his hometown has changed. My younger son decided early on that he was from Chicago because Uncle Dave took him to a Cubs game once. That identity gave him a hometown as well as a team.

Travel for TCKs often involves touring the home country where the three cultures can clash. One summer in the US, we took the kids on an exotic adventure—to a public swimming pool. But I was horrified to see them cutting in front of people at the diving board. My kids didn’t understand lines.

Or money. In countries plagued by devaluation, a parent hands out allowance and says, “Spend this as fast as you can. It will be worthless by next month.” And the kid replies, “But, Mom, there’s nothing to buy.” And the Mom says, “I know your school sells candy.”

A TCK is inclusive and values all cultures. When we moved back to the US for short stints, my kids would seek out friends most unlike themselves. My son is still with his girlfriend from college—a foreign exchange student—and they are very happy in their third culture relationship.

Guest Blogger - Jean Campbell - Permission Granted…Bonus Time Beginnings are Realities!

This is Jean's final post in her exclusive three-part series for Spirited Woman. Jean is the creator of the very successful blog No Boobs About It, a two-time breast cancer survivor, and the former Director of American Cancer Society's NYC Patient Navigator Program.

In her second post - Jean wrote about giving yourself permission from treatment to survivorship. In this post she writes about how new beginnings are your opportunity to thrive.

After a few years of earning a living as a writer, I gave myself permission to start a company providing writing services for nonprofit organizations and small corporations.

One of these jobs was to put me in touch with hundreds of women who had survived breast cancer. These women came from diverse cultures, ranged in age from late twenties to midsixties and most had English as a second language. What most of them had in common was they were in the process of, or had made a new beginning after active treatment. Most spoke of becoming more assertive in their relationships, others took jobs outside their homes, some were getting their GED diploma others were taking college courses. A few had left abusive or loveless relationships.

Many of these women were “paying it forward” as volunteers in hospital clinics where newly diagnosed women received treatment. As survivors, they gave the gift of hope that only a survivor can give. They gave comfort to patients, speaking to them in their native language.

After treatment for my second breast cancer, it was time for new permissions and beginnings. The first beginning, the realization of a 20 year dream…a web site helping young children learn how to make good choices. Can Do Street, now in its second year, is for families with children 3-7 years.

Also in its second year, No Boobs About It, Inc., a nonprofit organization, helps women navigate breast cancer and survivorship by providing the most up-to-date information on research, resources and support services, via its web site, www.noboobsaboutit.org.