Spirited Woman Blogger Team

Guest Blogger - Kimberla Lawson Roby - Losing a Loved One

From time to time, I receive letters and email from readers, asking how it feels to lose a mother. The inquiries are never rude and are mostly from women who are trying to prepare themselves for the loss of an elderly or terminally-ill parent. So, below is a short post, outlining my own personal experience.

I can still remember the day in 1995 when my mom told me she had been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor that could blind her; the day in 1996 when the doctors told us that the tumor was growing; the day in 1997 when she underwent biopsy surgery; the six weeks of radiation she received when they found that it was not cancerous; the day in July 1998 when I drove her to Madison, WI and we were told that her tumor was now growing toward the brain stem and surgery would have to be performed; the day in August 1998 when she underwent a 12-hour surgery.

But the most memorable was in June 1999 when her doctors apologized and told us that they’d done all they could do for her. I remember feeling as if a knife had sliced my body in two. It was the most painful news I’d ever been told, and at that very moment, I began wondering how I was ever going to live without her. I wondered why this was happening to MY mother, the person who always went out of her way to do for others; the person who always had the same smile on her face, no matter how sick she was.

But, finally, when we entered onto I-90 West, heading back to Rockford, IL, Mom asked me to play one of her favorite gospel songs and then told me something I will never forget. She said, “Kim, you know how people sometimes say they were so hurt that their heart felt like a hole had been drilled through it?”

“Yes,” I answered.

Guest Blogger - Kimberla Lawson Roby - Marital Money: Mine, Yours, & Ours! – Part 2

As promised in my first post, below are a few money tips for married couples that might be of interest to you:

1) For soon-to-be married couples, be honest with one another (before getting married) about your financial history and any current debt you owe. This way, you’ll enter the marriage with full disclosure, as opposed to being caught off guard, and perhaps even position yourselves to tackle the debt together.

2) Treat all financial debt and responsibility as if it belongs to both of you. For example, if you owe $10,000 in bills and your husband owes $10,000 as well, then come to an agreement that together you now owe $20,000.

3) Open a joint checking account and have all income, yours and his, directly deposited into it. This means that regardless of whether you earn more or he earns more, you both share all income equally.

4) Once a monthly budget has been created, determine how much money you will save together and individually:  i.e., how much you will each add weekly, bi-weekly or monthly into your individual retirement accounts, how much you will save in a joint savings account, etc.

5) Determine how much spending money you will be able to withdraw and deposit into your own separate checking or savings accounts and make sure that whatever that amount ends up being, you will each take 50% of it.

6) Discuss all financial decisions before taking any action and more than anything, remember that this is no longer about just you but instead, it is about the two of you who have made the decision to become one.

Guest Blogger - Kimberla Lawson Roby - Marital Money: Mine, Yours, & Ours! – Part 1

Life after marriage can be a major blessing but also a great fiasco if you don’t take the time beforehand to discuss some very important details. What kind of details you might ask…well, for example, did you and your new hubby discuss your weekly-without-fail, Saturday afternoon shopping trips to the mall? 

Or how about that incredible shoe fetish you’ve had for years - the one where you can’t help snatching up at least four to five pairs of brand new kicks every single month? 

Did you discuss the fact that you have absolutely no intentions whatsoever of depositing “your” hard-earned paycheck into that brand-spanking-new joint checking account - the one the love of your life has so proudly opened for the two of you? Or better yet, did you make it clear from the start that sharing a joint account is the only kind of financial arrangement you’re willing to live with? Does your husband know that for as long as you can remember, you’ve been a huge believer in the idea that “What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine, too?!"

Now, of course, the above questions are all hypothetically speaking, but they are also hugely symbolic of the kinds of problems that can certainly occur when two people enter holy matrimony, yet haven’t made proper decisions regarding their finances. In my latest novel, THE BEST OF EVERYTHING, Alicia Black Sullivan and her husband Phillip fall in love on first sight, marry six months later and life seems great until Phillip realizes that Alicia has a major shopping addiction. Needless to say, they didn’t see a reason to discuss the subject of money upfront or how it would be spent, so, what I’ll be doing in my next blog post is listing a few money tips that might have helped Alicia and Phillip, and more importantly, tips that might be of interest to you. You may or may not agree with all of them, but we’ll see in my next post on Friday.