Spirited Woman Blogger Team

Guest Blogger - Donna Henes - Have A Love Affair With Your Self

Author Donna Henes completes her four week series of "Rituals for the Soul: How to Treat Your Self Like a Queen" for Spirited Woman.

A great way to pamper yourself with the attention and affection that we all crave — that we lavish on others, but never think to give to ourselves — is to have a love affair with your Self.

These exercises in Self-appreciation and devotion are not meant to seal yourself off from others forever, or to replace any current or future relationships, but to make sure that you do not get involved for the wrong reasons — out of fear or desperation.

You will emerge from these Self-love exercises with the secure knowledge that you are your own best lover. And when and if you choose, you are able to share that love with someone special, who will understand just how precious it is and return it in kind.

An affair with your Self enables you to know, own and honor yourself as a unique and individual entity. To admit your abilities and limitations, your talents and truculence on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual planes, and love your Self unconditionally with compassion and no judgment attached.

Get to know your Self
Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, your fears and fantasies.
Spend some quality time alone together — just you, yourself and you.
Turn off the computer, the phone, the fax, and the TV.
Put on your favorite music, or simply savor the silence.
Entertain a program of non-directed Self-discovery.
Stare out the window or into a candle flame or a mirror.
Clear your mind of inner chatter and let it wander where it will.
 
Take interest in your Self
Engage in projects of Self-expression in order to reconnect with your higher nature and your inner best Self.
Do an exercise tape.
Go for a run, walk, swim, or bike ride.
Read your Tarot cards. Consult the I Ching. Do yoga.
Meditate. Drum, chant, dance.
Write in your journal.
Transcribe your dreams.
Create an altar.
Paint a picture or your walls.
Sing silly songs.
Have a good cry.
Pound on pillows and scream.
Laugh out loud.

Guest Blogger - Donna Henes - Cry Me a River: A Ceremony for Dampened Spirits

Author Donna Henes continues her weekly series of four "Rituals for the Soul: How to Treat Your Self Like a Queen" for Spirited Woman.

Sometimes our life and times, with its constant bombardment of negativity and steady accumulation of stress, seems like too much to endure. Oftentimes, we aren’t even consciously aware that we are annoyed, upset, dispirited. We simply carry on. We persevere. We do what we need to do. We conscientiously continue on continuing on, ignoring our feelings, suppressing our sadness.

Until the day comes when we can stand it no longer, and then the dams break and our constricted emotions overflow. We find ourselves sobbing helplessly for no reason at all, or weeping at Hallmark commercials, completely appalled that we could succumb to such blatant emotional manipulation.

But, then again, sometimes we just can’t cry. We feel like it. We want to. We need to. But we just can’t let go. We are bound tight by some excruciating kind of crippling constipation of expression. I recently experienced a series of disappointments and setbacks. I stewed and stomped and swore, but I couldn’t find release. Then, one evening after bending down to put something away, I stood up quickly and smacked my head into an open kitchen cabinet door. That did it. I burst into tears, bawled like a baby, and within moments I felt much, much better.

There is nothing quite so satisfying as a nice, good cry. Humans cry two different grades of tears, both of which are incredibly cleansing. The tears we shed when we get something in our eye — dust or an eyelash, for example, or while we are peeling an onion, or smelling smoke, literally washes them clean of a specific irritant.

When we weep emotional tears, we release excess stores of the hormone prolactin, which is potentially toxic if allowed to accumulate in our bodies. The fact that we flush our systems of this poison probably accounts for the fact that in one survey, 85 percent of all women and 73 percent of men testified to how much better they feel after crying.

Research had concluded that people who cannot cry, or who consider that crying is a sign of weakness, suffer a significantly greater incidence of stress related disease such as colitis. According to a report just released, 95% of all illness is stress-related.

Tears are cleansing and refreshing, but there are certainly more agreeable ways to achieve the unburdening relief that they offer than by banging your head against a wall. Over the years I have developed a personal ritual, a Cryfest, wherein I indulge in the consolation of blatant lamentation. This is not about feeling sorry for myself, but a conscious dedication to release and relief. For two solid days I allow myself to weep and wallow, really revel in royal melancholy, after which I am renewed and ready to face anything.

Guest Blogger - Donna Henes - A Day In Bed

Author Donna Henes continues her weekly series of four "Rituals for the Soul: How to Treat Your Self Like a Queen" for Spirited Woman.

On the first page of Even Cowgirls Get the Blues by Tom Robbins, his character calls in well to work. He maintains that he just feels too darn good to report for his job. That always struck me as an excellent idea. Why waste a perfectly fabulous day in bed when you are feeling too poorly to enjoy it?

For years I have maintained a Day in Bed ritual practice. Every so often there comes a day — never predicting which day — when I wake up knowing that today absolutely has to be my Day in Bed. I know with a deep knowing in my bones that if I don’t lie down, I will surely fall down, cave in under the strain.

It’s not that I feel ill, mind you, just out of steam. I see this not as a sick day, but rather, a Well Day, a day to devote to my own inner Spirited Woman needs and well-being. Over time I have learned not to fight this overwhelming lethargy. I gladly give in and let go of my goals for the day. I don’t fight it. I simply surrender to the delicious decadence of self-care.

I get up long enough to make a cup of tea and bring it back to bed with me where I happily stay for the next 24 hours. Oh, I get up periodically to attend to bodily functions, to muster up something to eat and drink, but after each brief foray, I return to bed. blissfully quiet and alone.

I read. I nap. I meditate. I compose a letter or list or two. I write in my journal. I daydream. I read. I nap.

I luxuriate in doing nothing. I imagine myself to be Elizabeth Barrett Browning or Colette or some other fabulously romantic invalid writer propped up on pillows, her devoted dog or cat nestled in the covers at her feet. Or a privileged consumptive patient pampered in the sanitarium in Thomas Mann’s The Magic Mountain, eating six cream-rich meals a day and lying down to rest after each one of them.

But of course, thank all goodness, I am not an invalid; I am not even ill. And I intend to stay that way. These short periods of respite work remarkably well to keep me cool, centered, and pretty balanced. And best of all, I rarely get sick.

Guest Blogger - Donna Henes - Feed Your Self

Author Donna Henes begins her weekly series of four "Rituals for the Soul: How to Treat Your Self Like a Queen" for Spirited Woman.

Time spent in the bath, with a good book, exercising and even doing domestic routines, can feel like holy rites of devotion if we perform them with the focused intention of self-care and concern. Our concentration = consecration. Meals, for instance can certainly be something more than the mere rushed intake of calories, nutrients, television news, and family bickering. A normal supper can be one of life’s most agreeable ceremonies if we establish a comfortable, leisurely, aesthetic, emotionally safe environment in which to enjoy food and convivial company even — especially — if it is “only” our own.

When is the last time someone cooked a special meal for you? When is the last time you cooked a special meal especially for yourself? What are you waiting for?

If you are never alone at dinnertime, do lunch. Or brunch, or breakfast, or high tea, or a midnight snack.

Create an out-of-the-ordinary menu that might include your favorite culinary treats, or foods that you have always meant to try. Or you may want to create a fantasy feast or recreate a memorable meal from your childhood, from your travels to exotic places or from your favorite book.

Cook with the intention to nourish and please yourself, purposefully infusing the food with love, just as you would in anticipation of any honored guest.

Set your table with all of the special things that you love, but never use. Enjoy your grandmother’s plate or vase, cloth napkins and your good stemware.

Create a centerpiece that honors and celebrates you. Have fresh flowers or foliage or your favorite houseplant. Set out some of your amulets or holy items that represent your intention to treat your Self well. Light candles to ignite your intention.