Spirited Woman Blogger Team

Letting Go

This past weekend was very special for my family. Our foster Husky dog, Lucky, went to his forever home.

Three weeks ago, late on Saturday night, I got an urgent email from a worker at the county shelter. They had brought in a half-dead Siberian Husky who had been attacked by dogs. He faced a certain death if not claimed, immediately, by a  rescue group (www.animalguardiannetwork.org). Fortunately, I was able to reach two such angels from Thefetchfoundation.com and they arranged for me to retrieve him to the safety of my home. It turns out his wounds were serious but treatable, and he was a pup, less than a year old.

Happily, through anything-but-coincidental events, the perfect family came along to adopt Lucky. In three short weeks I had bonded with him as he healed, and shed tears as I prepared him for his journey.

That day I was reminded of the fleeting relationships we have with some people (as well as animals) in our lives. Of course, most of us are all blessed with life-long friendships and family bonds. And we also meet and connect with people who come and go. These brief connections offer us gifts in the form of life lessons or a simple helping hand when needed, and they take gifts from us. Have you ever wondered about the purpose of a transitory relationship? They’re easier to release when it seems we gave more than we were given, or when there was more hurt than happiness. But there are others that we try to hang on to, in order to recreate the magic after the magic has faded.

Consider this. There are people who enter our lives in pure synchronicity, for a clear and finite purpose, then exit. The purpose of the relationship may be ours or theirs, and we often don’t ever fully understand the “why” of it all. The important thing is the memory, the life lesson, or the gift exchanged.

In the animal rescue world, there are people called “foster failures.” These kind folks take in animals to foster, but cannot give them up – eventually rendering themselves unable to foster because their kennel is full, so to speak. For many homeless and helpless animals, it’s a blessing there is so much needed compassion. In human relationships, it’s a bit different. Some people need to be allowed to “fly away” and find the right connections for the next leg of their journey. (www.wakeupcloud.com/outgrowing-your-friends/)

I know in my heart that sweet Lucky belongs with his new family, even as I miss his sparkling blues eyes and loving demeanor. And, I know what we both meant to each other’s lives, however brief the interlude. Spirited Women, do you need to free the spirit of another to travel his or her own path?

Andrea Chilcote, www.morningstarventures.com
Click here for more of Andrea's posts.

Guest Blogger - Jean Campbell - Permission Granted…Bonus Time Beginnings are Realities!

This is Jean's final post in her exclusive three-part series for Spirited Woman. Jean is the creator of the very successful blog No Boobs About It, a two-time breast cancer survivor, and the former Director of American Cancer Society's NYC Patient Navigator Program.

In her second post - Jean wrote about giving yourself permission from treatment to survivorship. In this post she writes about how new beginnings are your opportunity to thrive.

After a few years of earning a living as a writer, I gave myself permission to start a company providing writing services for nonprofit organizations and small corporations.

One of these jobs was to put me in touch with hundreds of women who had survived breast cancer. These women came from diverse cultures, ranged in age from late twenties to midsixties and most had English as a second language. What most of them had in common was they were in the process of, or had made a new beginning after active treatment. Most spoke of becoming more assertive in their relationships, others took jobs outside their homes, some were getting their GED diploma others were taking college courses. A few had left abusive or loveless relationships.

Many of these women were “paying it forward” as volunteers in hospital clinics where newly diagnosed women received treatment. As survivors, they gave the gift of hope that only a survivor can give. They gave comfort to patients, speaking to them in their native language.

After treatment for my second breast cancer, it was time for new permissions and beginnings. The first beginning, the realization of a 20 year dream…a web site helping young children learn how to make good choices. Can Do Street, now in its second year, is for families with children 3-7 years.

Also in its second year, No Boobs About It, Inc., a nonprofit organization, helps women navigate breast cancer and survivorship by providing the most up-to-date information on research, resources and support services, via its web site, www.noboobsaboutit.org.

A Great Internet Resource Site

Through our illustrious Spirited Woman Founder, Nancy Mills, I recently found out about a phenomenal online research tool called Questia, which is part of Cengage Learning.

This invaluable site, Questia, is a true "find" for any Spirited Woman who is an Internet user and is interested in the humanities or social sciences, as well as for students of all ages, from high school straight through undergraduate and graduate years, who have papers to write for their classes.

Questia has the world's largest online library of books (would you believe, 77,000 copyrighted books from over 300 publishers?), plus 100s of academic journals and four million articles. This enormous treasure trove of information is not available anywhere else on the Internet (there is a free app for iPads). This rich collection of books and articles has been selected by professional collection development librarians.

In addition, Questia offers a range of search, note-taking, and writing tools to help students locate the most relevant information on their topics quickly, quote and cite correctly, and create properly formatted footnotes and bibliographies automatically.

Hey -- here's a library that:

- Doesn't close at night but, rather, is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
- Never charges overdue fees because books are never checked out       
- Allows you to highlight and scribble on the pages of its books or magazines to your heart's content
- Looks the other way if you talk as loudly as you like (or even sing)

Got a paper to write? Interested in topics ranging from anthropology and architecture to science and sociology? Then check out this amazing Internet resource site. It's a great find.

So that users can choose the plan that fits their needs and budget, Questia offers three popular subscription plans: a $19.95 monthly recurring subscription, a $44.95 quarterly recurring subscription and a $99.95 annually recurring subscription.

Linda Jay Geldens, www.LindaJayGeldens.com
Click here for more of Linda's posts.

Cowgirl Adventures for All Ages

I’ll bet I’ve seen the movie, City Slickers, ten times. And not just because the theme is so Hemingway. I love how the characters take a break from the everyday world to work through their issues in tune with nature. I love how the immediacy of ranch work resonates with the real purpose of life. At the end of the film, Curly, the trail boss, sends the city slickers back to town, transformed and equipped to live life with more meaning.

Ranching adventures are not just for guys. Women can find the true cowgirl experience in several places throughout the West and beyond. Each ranch seems to have a twist on the feminine angle.

Cowgirl Adventures will have you riding the open ranges of Colorado. You’ll connect with the land and build cowgirl and horsemanship skills. During the week, guests form relationships with their horses while experiencing adventures on the trail and in the corral. And best of all, yoga and massage are available.

Sugar and Spice Ranch - Did you love horses as a young girl? Does your daughter? In the hill country of Bandera, Texas the ranch offers a special twist on female adventures called Bonding Mothers and Daughters Through Horses. With instruction on horse riding, grooming, and care, mothers and daughters share a unique and meaningful week (or weekend) together in the bunkhouse and on the trail. What better way to build a lifetime bond than an experience like this!

Also, my friend Heidi, author of several cowgirl novels, told me about the K-Diamond-K Ranch in Republic, Washington. It combines riding opportunities with themes, such as the scrapbooking retreat, the quilting retreat, and the writers retreat. As you peruse the website to the tune of How ‘Bout Them Cowgirls, you can see their special offerings.

And finally. Need even more flexibility? You might prefer the Bucking S Ranch in Wyoming. It’s a real cattle ranch, where you can work as much or as little as you want. You can participate with the ranch hands, watch, or find a comfy rocking chair and read. Trail rides feature “abundant wildlife,” and you can keep the same horse all week. With a maximum of twelve participants, you’ll need to organize your own group if you seek an all-female experience. I found out about this through a German travel agent, so if you show up alone or with a few friends, you can probably expect some Europeans to round out the group. Now that would add uniqueness to an already interesting experience.

Happy trails!

- Nancy Adair  nancyadair2002@yahoo.com
Click here to read more of Nancy's posts.

I Declare

As Spirited Woman's Life's Stories Blogger, I love stories in which the author can make me laugh one minute and cry the next. Diane Perro introduced me to the notion of New Year's Declarations (as opposed to Resolutions), and tells a courageous story of picking up and moving to a new life. If you have ever dreamed of moving to Paris, this is the story for you! Enjoy! Molly

“I declare 2000: The Year of Cleavage!” I shouted as my girlfriends and I raised champagne to toast the New Millennium, and fireworks exploded over the San Francisco Bay.

Years ago, I gave up making New Years resolutions in favor of declarations. A declaration carries strength and authority. It’s also much easier to keep. Consider the typical list of resolutions: lose 20 pounds, exercise every day, improve finances, learn something new, do whatever it is you’ve had on the list for the past 15 years but still haven’t done. Talk about a recipe for disappointment and guilt. I used to write down the same things year after year, never keeping my promises. Not anymore. I want to keep my promises, and now I try to set reasonable, achievable goals – preferably ones that I enjoy accomplishing.

During The Year of Being Good to Myself, I took an exotic 3-week vacation, had a mani/pedi every other week, massages once a month, and as many facials as I could tolerate. In The Year of Finding a Good Man, I found many good men, had many good dates, and considered the year a total success, unlike one of my friends who had resolved to find the good man (of her dreams) and had failed miserably, often drowning her sorrows with her favorite two good men, Ben and Jerry.

You may think I sound like a spokesperson for some underachiever advocacy group. But I’ve made some fairly impressive achievements in my life, like becoming the director of an inner-city gospel choir when I was only 19, managing a successful multi-million dollar international conference, biking to the top of a volcano, and coming to peace with my thighs. It wasn’t easy. I’d hated my thighs since I was a 6th grader trying to stuff myself into Levi’s, the jean du jour, which back then only came in slim-cut male sizes. I’d spent nearly 20 years trying to hide my thighs or squeeze them into the latest fashions, avoiding any invitations that involved wearing a bathing suit in mixed company. But at some point in my early thirties, I finally took a good long look at my thighs. I saw that they are bigger than average, always would be, and they’ll never be suitable for miniskirts or skinny boy-cut jeans. I also noticed that they are strong, devoid of saddlebags, and nicely balance out my rather bountiful bosom. So I declared a truce. And my thighs and I have coexisted harmoniously ever since.

A Little Magic in Life

My up coming novel Skeleton Women is about a singer (and spy), a magician, and a gossip columnist all scheming to survive the gang wars in 1930's Shanghai. To be able to write this book, I did a lot of research on magic, something that has interested me for a long time. 

After my months of research, I now know the secrets of many of the great magic shows, such as how to make the Statue of Liberty disappear or to walk through the Great Wall. Of course I’m sure all professional magicians know about the tricks but none will divulge them.

I believe the reason magic is so fascinating is because we all want to believe in miracles. And who doesn’t hope for a little magic in their stressful, obligation-filled existences? That’s why people are so easily led by those who promise them magic, not just stage magicians but politicians, priests, monks, even gangster-heroes – as portrayed in Skeleton Women.

Is there true magic in the world? Everyone looks for it but in reality, magic is nothing other than the possession of a dazzling appearance, a clever mind, perfect timing, and infallible skill which has been developed with relentless practice.

Magic is entertainment but it is also poetry, myth, philosophy, even wisdom.

Even though I understand the trick by which David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear, rather than being disappointed, my respect for him increases. It is not a matter of the puzzle being solved, but recognizing the hard work and professionalism that made it possible to give millions a few minutes of simple enjoyment.

Mingmei Yip, http://www.mingmeiyip.com
Click here to read more of Mingmei's posts.

Choose Happiness

Abe Lincoln said that “Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” There’s a lot of truth in that sentiment, and it’s also the advice of 76-year-old Marianne Rumsey in 30 Lessons for Living, a new book by Karl Pillemer, PhD. (here he is in a video) Sensing that the United States is losing one of resources – our elders – Pillemer interviewed over 1,500 “experts” from 70 to 100 years old to create his book.

Even though these elder adults have experienced significant loss and health challenges, they consistently rate themselves as happier than most young adults in their 20s, 30s and 40s. That seems a bit counterintuitive if you consider that they are winding down their journey. On the other hand, at their advanced ages, I suppose that many of the struggles of raising a family or building an business is behind them, leaving more time to contemplate and enjoy the present moment.

In her interview, Marianne discussed how the secret to longevity is understanding that happiness is choice, not a condition. That’s an incredibly powerful statement. Consider the freedom that would occur if you knew that no matter what your situation is, you have the opportunity to choose happiness.

There are so many days when we are all faced with that choice, often multiple times within a day or even hour.  How different would our world or our loved ones be if we chose happiness over strife?  Right now, I am struggling with some physical changes related to my age. Despite my best efforts to be healthy and exercise, these changes are impacting my life in what I’ve perceived to be a negative trend. Today is a perfect opportunity to turn that choice in to action. What can I learn from this experience? How can I use this physical transition to empower and improve the world around me? What would happen if I just didn’t resist this change and relax?

What about you?  Where can you make the choice to be happy, either big or small?  How would your life be different if you consistently come from a place of happiness instead of chaos? You hold the key to happiness in your hands and your heart…

- Allison Blankenship, http://www.allisonspeaks.com,  http://www.UpsideTheBook.com
Click here to read more of Allison's posts.

Relating to Ourselves...Who Are You?

This is Andrea's last post in her three-part series entitled Relating to Ourselves. This segment deals with knowing what you need.

Want to know how to get what you need from the relationships you value in life? Know what you need. And, knowing what you need is a result of knowing who you are.

In my experience, an essential price of admission for healthy, satisfying relationships with others is a clear and grounded sense of self. I’m not talking about self-indulgence or selfishness – I’m referring to the settled sense that comes from knowing and loving the uniqueness that is you.

As a coach, I utilize instruments that help me quickly (and painlessly) assess clients’ core drivers, productive behaviors and the consequences of unmet needs. When revealing the results of these assessment tools, I’m sometimes met by a distinct response, a bewildered astonishment that I could reveal aspects of their personality so carefully hidden away. Often they themselves had not consciously considered these traits, but when faced with the data, they have a whole new world of choices. Recently I met with a new client over dinner to review the information I had compiled, a combination of feedback from others and her Birkman Report. At the end of the evening, she remarked: “Well it was very enlightening to have dinner with someone who knows me better than I know myself.”

While these tools are quite helpful, the fact is you don’t need a report to tell you who you are. You know when you are your best, most productive self. You know the activities and people from whom you gain energy vs. being depleted. You know what makes you feel most alive.

Do you let your true self be known in your day-to-day interactions with significant others? Is there some aspect of your personality – some core need you have – that’s hidden away? There’s a cost to holding back. At a minimum, when we don’t acknowledge and reveal who we are and what we need, we miss the most basic satisfaction in life. At worst, we find ourselves entangled in personal and professional relationships that can be destructive to body or psyche.

So spirited women, what is it that you need from a key relationship in your life? Take responsibility by naming it, then examine what you are doing (or not) to nurture that quality. A relationship is a product of the interaction of two parts. Changing your awareness alone can shift everything. My client has managed to change the perception of her work team by revealing herself in day-to-day interactions. What can you do to show up as who you are?

Andrea Chilcote, www.morningstarventures.com
Click here for more of Andrea's posts.

Alliterative Acrobatics

She sells seashells by the seashore. -- Children's rhyme/tongue twister that originated in England

Readers of my posts will know that I love words -- I love playing with them, I love stringing them together in an interesting way, I love their simplicity and I love their complexity.

The other day I sent an e-mail to an author/client in Minnesota who also loves to play with words.

I said, "Thank you for your prompt PayPal payment -- now say that phrase fast, five times!" (I was marveling at the propinquity -- yikes, two more p's in that one word! -- of five p's within only three words, "prompt PayPal payment.")

She played around with the phrase a bit in another e-mail, and we were off and running.

I responded to her, "Proper pronunciation, said the platypus, is paramount to a person's prosperity!" -- thereby slipping nine (count 'em, nine!) p's into that one small outrageously silly statement.

We were laughing all the way as we exchanged rapid-fire e-mails, each trying to top the other with sentences using the letter "p" as many times as we could. A waste of time? Quite the contrary! We were exercising our brains, opening our minds to infinite possibilities regarding words that have the letter "p" in them, and creating nonsense sentences that somehow made perfect sense.

Now, can you see where I'm going with this?  I would encourage all you spirited women out there who love to write to play, play, play with words -- there is nothing more satisfying than mastering a "stylistic literary device" such as alliteration, and having a perfectly pleasant experience in the process (four "p"s in four words!).

Linda Jay Geldens, www.LindaJayGeldens.com
Click here for more of Linda's posts.

Guest Blogger - Jean Campbell - Permission, the Key to Every Beginning

Jean Campbell's continues her three-part series for Spirited Woman. Jean is the creator of the very successful blog No Boobs About It, a two-time breast cancer survivor, and the former Director of American Cancer Society's NYC Patient Navigator Program.

In this her second post - she writes about giving yourself permission - on living life prior to breast cancer, and what positive changes can be made transitioning from treatment to survivorship.

The long months of breast cancer treatment with their exhausting side effects are a great time to take inventory of how we have been living our lives and how we want to live post treatment. But, thinking and planning are only half of what it takes for a beginning. A beginning isn’t possible without permission.

We are adults. Whose permission do we need? We need our permission. And, giving ourselves permission isn’t always easy. It’s about entitlement. Are we entitled to change course? Do we have the right to do something just for us? What about our obligations to our family our job or any other responsibilities we may have?

We have just come through breast cancer. Family and friends have been there for us. Don’t we need to pay back their kindness and support by picking up our lives where we left off before cancer treatment?

Even if we wanted to, we couldn’t. Breast cancer, any cancer is a life-changing experience. Survivorship is a new place to be and we need to adjust to the concerns, issues and yes freedoms that come with being a survivor.

We find, without planning it, that we covet our time. If we want to waste it, that’s one thing, but we don’t want anyone else to waste our time. We want our time to count. We know that recurrence is always a possibility and we don’t want any regrets if that should occur. There is an urgency to do something meaningful, to make a difference for ourselves and perhaps for others.

A beginning can be dramatic with that start of a new career, a move, a new business. It can be incremental with small but significant changes such as taking a class, traveling or pursing new activities.

Whatever the beginning, it remains an idea, a plan, until you give yourself permission to make it a reality. Permission is an ongoing process. We may need to give ourselves permission many times before making a new beginning a reality. For most of us, breast cancer’s gift is that permission. We feel, maybe for the first time in our lives, that we have the right, that we are entitled, to do life our way.