Pamelah Landers is a leading hand analyst and author. She specializes in relationship success and insights about your Life Purpose based on your never-changing fingerprints. She has read over 20,000 hands in her career.
In her fascinating 3-part weekly series exclusively for Spirited Woman, Pamelah explains from her perspective that it really is not about you and by understanding that you are on the road to self-love.
You may be familiar with this phrase: "It's not about you." I've been sharing it a lot recently, hearing myself say it out loud in conversations with others.
I know when I find myself repeating something frequently there is a message for me.
First, let's look at what this means, “It's not about you!"
When others compliment or acknowledge you, the comment is how they see you, from their perspective. You have a choice: you can believe it or not. Free will. It’s not about you although you can choose to take it personally. It’s always a reflection of what the other person believes or perceives about you. It’s their stuff.
If others make comments that feel like criticism, again, it is from that person's perspective. You can believe it or not. The principle applies regardless if the comments feel good to you or not. It’s not about you.
In the late 1980s I began some serious therapy to deal with what I suspected was sexual abuse in childhood. When I had memories of that and knew it was true, a long healing journey began. One thing my therapist said repeatedly that helped me hugely was, “it’s not about you.” It took hearing that statement multiple times (like 50!) applied to many situations before it sank in.
That’s how it is when a new concept comes into your life. It takes a while before it’s in alignment with your energy and is integrated in your belief system.
What I know from reading over 20,000 hands is that no two people have the same perspective about anything – exactly. No two hands are the same. You may have similar viewpoints, but maybe one statement in a conversation doesn’t quite ring with you. That’s normal. We are designed to have our very unique perspective. That’s why each person has their own hand design and no two match exactly.
Accepting this concept of “it’s not about you” is a step into radical self-love. When I remember to apply this, I can step back from whatever another is sending my way and tell myself the truth about what I know.
Part 2 is coming next week – some examples on how to determine what is or isn’t about you.
- Pamelah Landers www.HandsOnCompany.com
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Pamelah Landers, a leading hand analyst and author, specializing in relationship success provides profound insights about your Life Purpose based on your never-changing fingerprints. She has read over 20,000 in her career helping people claim and live what they were born to do. Featured frequently on radio, Pamelah is able to help listeners - in a short amount of time - to identify their style of expressing love based on the Heart Lines in their hands. Pamela is featured in the Spirited Woman 2012 Directory: Resources for an Inspired Life.
Enjoyed your post, Pamelah. Brought this back to me: When I found out my guy was having an affair, he said, "It's not about you." It stabbed ME right through the heart.
Posted by: Lynn Henriksen, The Story Woman | February 20, 2012 at 06:34 AM
Nancy, so well stated!
Posted by: Pamelah Landers | February 19, 2012 at 10:49 AM
Studying Buddhism, one learns that people create problems for themselves when they inject themselves (their tender feelings) into the center of every issue. If you can have the insight to remove yourself from the issue and look at it for what it is--it is not about you--then you will save yourself from a lot of pain. When you are feeling hurt, check to see where your ego is; if you are focusing only on yourself and only on how you feel, then you are not seeing the whole situation. It's taken me years to develop this self-check habit, and I'm interested to see what you talk about next week.
Posted by: nancy | February 18, 2012 at 05:08 PM
Talia, thanks for commenting. Next week there are some examples so more tangible insight to come!
Posted by: Pamelah Landers | February 17, 2012 at 04:46 PM
Jodine, I love how the universe works - that something I'm sharing so speaks to you in perfect timing! I guess we are all one!
Posted by: Pamelah Landers | February 17, 2012 at 04:46 PM
Denise, thank you for sharing this. The time it takes to learn about yourself so you can be a gift to others is priceless! It is how love spreads - self-love is the deal!
Posted by: Pamelah Landers | February 17, 2012 at 04:45 PM
Thank you for sharing, Pamelah. I'm looking forward to reading the next developments on this topic. I'm particularly interested because I (and I'm sure many others!) have encountered instances where someone "dumps their garbage" on you, lashes out, makes a remark, etc. and how this about them and what they are dealing with and not you/me.
Posted by: Talia | February 17, 2012 at 03:48 PM
Pamelah,
I love the synchronicity. In my morning meditation I got a strong message that some conflicts I was experiencing were 'Not About Me"! Your post helps me validate and remember this!
thanks!
Posted by: Jodine Turner | February 17, 2012 at 10:12 AM
So true! After reading several insightful books and listening to the inner me for several years, I came to realize this as well. People view us based on what's going on inside of them (e.g. their perceptions, past experiences, beliefs). The blessing is that as we start loving ourselves, we start seeing others as more loving/worthy of being loved. That's how love spreads.
Denise
http://www.writemoneyinc.com
Posted by: Denise | February 17, 2012 at 10:10 AM