I have often been asked when I say that I survived the murder of self, “what do you mean?” For years I had hushed my voice, suppressed my truths and ignored my spirit until one day I no longer existed. My identity, the fundamental nature of who I was, had been buried and dirt continued to be piling on. It was not about having experienced a physical death, but the death of my spirit--of my being. I had become a hollowed out shell…a zombie. This demise did not happen over night and there were many contributing factors and people – including myself. I realized that if I were to come out of this alive I would have to accept my responsibility in letting myself slip away.
I made the decision that I had to find my way back to life before I physically died. During the course of making my way back from the dead I realized I am not the only one who had done this. There were women everywhere that had abandoned their truths, their voice and their spirits. I found myself in the company of others who too were the living dead. So I began to dig through all of the dirt that had been piled on over years of lies, denials, and neglect. The journey through the soil involved a lot of tears and even more writing. I was determined that I was going make it back to the essence of my being, that I would find the Spirited Woman within myself again. I did and in the process I marveled at the new-found aspects of whom I am and whom I have become.
Through my growth process and reflections I have found that so often we, as women, feel compelled to make things better, to smooth things over or to make it work even if it comes at the cost of our own truths. I suppose it is the nurturer in us but we have to remember that we too need to be nurtured and honored as much as those with whom we are married, tending or in relationship to. We are just as important as our children, our partner, our family and friends. We too are special. It is my hope that each woman holds on to her voice, her identity, her truth in all relationships and all that she does.
Today I celebrate my life with all the women I have encountered, the women I've seen in passing and those I have yet to meet. I look forward to our journeys together.
- D. Malone, http://www.survivingthemurderofself.com
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D. Malone is passionate about the healing and spiritual empowerment of women. As an author and public speaker she encourages women to reclaim and maintain their truths, their identity. Malone is the author of Green: Surviving the Murder of Self. She has her M.A. in Counseling and is working towards her Ph.D. in Women’s Spirituality from the California Institute of Integral Studies. To learn more about D. Malone please visit: survivingthemurderofself.com.
The title powerfully conveys your message. I believe that when women "smooth things over" it does stem from their innate nurturer, and I think it can also be a result of women's emotionality being devalued. Avoiding discomfort, sadness, fear,anger and pain is a way of denying the value of life itself. We are not meant to be happy all the time. While men are also emotional creatures, women are more sensitive to the feelings of others, denying their own in the process.
As an emotion educator, I have experienced in myself and in my clients that when we feel our pain fully we move towards wholeness much faster. Our emotional pain holds value, it shows us what matters most to us, including ourselves.
Thank you for your beautiful work!
Posted by: Joie Seldon | August 18, 2010 at 12:15 PM