Spirited Woman Blogger Team

One in a Gazillion

So my husband and I came out of an office supply store on Thursday and were sitting in the car talking before we started to drive home.

All of a sudden a man pulled his car into the spot directly to the left of us. We did a double-take. His car looked exactly like ours -- metallic green exterior, beige interior, same make, same model (BMW 740il), only his was five years newer.

He rolled down his window and shouted to us in a friendly fashion, "You folks bought my car!"  We were surprised and said, "What do you mean?" He repeated, "No, really, the car you're driving used to be my car for 16 years until I put it up for sale in 2010.  I recognize the license plate.  I was wondering who bought my car, and now I know!"

That launched us into a very pleasant twenty-minute conversation about what good care he'd taken of the car (he was the only owner, until we bought it), how delighted we were that he put the car up for sale and that my husband happened to see it advertised online, and how we really do love the car.

We ended by introducing ourselves; he said that his late wife's name was Linda -- another coincidence, since my name is Linda.  He lives several miles away in a different part of Marin County and rarely comes to this office supply store...so the fact that he was there that day was quite unusual.

It's so interesting, because we have often said that we'd like to personally thank the previous owner of our car for taking such marvelous care of it, and for putting it up for sale just at the exact time when we needed an excellent car. So it was super-satisfying when, by some quirk of fate, that very man pulled in right next to us and we were able to tell him how much we appreciated everything about the car he had owned for so many years.

Sometimes you have an experience where the odds of it happening are probably one in a gazillion. This was one of those times.

Linda Jay Geldens, www.LindaJayGeldens.com
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The Words Will Find You

Do you want a simple way to tap into your very soul's wisdom? Take dictation.

Several years ago, my colleague Karla Boyd shared a practice for accessing one's personal vision or purpose. It has remained a staple in my toolkit, and I've expanded it to situations in which I need to access my intuition or help other tap into theirs. Sometimes I even use it for deciding what to write about in these posts.

Here's the process. First, write a question that's on your mind or in your heart. You can imagine you're asking the question of your own highest and best self, or some other wise person, present on earth or not. Examples would be: "What do I need to be happy in my job?" or "How can I communicate advice to my teenage son?" The best questions are those tough questions that can't be easily answered using our logical minds.

Then...just write. Write the answer in a stream-of-consciousness format, without stopping to judge the quality or validity of what you're writing.

Early on, I was amazed at the insights that came - even as I puzzled over where they came from. Then a few years later I attended a life-changing workshop led by renowned writing teacher Natalie Goldberg. Goldberg has revolutionized the practice of writing and she teaches a similar process for accessing the heart and soul. She's a purest about insisting that her students handwrite their work, and write continuously for 10 minutes without stopping. She says it doesn't matter if your inner critic tells you what you're writing is garbage - keep writing!

The results are truly amazing, and in fact I used the technique while writing the passages from Erik's Hope  in which the character "White Wolf" counseled my dog Erik. I wrote as if I was White Wolf himself, and was often astounded by how eloquent and smart he was...so much so that I now consult "him" on a regular basis.

Here's a recent example. I was struggling with how I would open a meeting in which the stakes were high and asked (wrote), "White Wolf, of what shall I speak?"

Here's the answer I received:

Andrea, speak from your heart. Speak the truth and that truth will be heard by all who need it. Be present as you teach, and the words you need will find you. Above all be kind. Be in gratitude for what you have now and for what will be. Treasure each moment. Be the light.

Even though I haven't shared the details of that meeting, I think you'll agree that White Wolf offered sage advice. He never lets me down. What I needed was not an opening speech, but rather a reminder to adopt the right state of being - truth, presence, kindness, gratitude and light.

Spirited women, if you believe, as I do, that the answers are inside of you, try this method of accessing them. As White Wolf says, the words will find you.

Andrea Chilcote, www.morningstarventures.com, www.erikshope.com
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Creativity and the Healing Arts

Art Heals says the bumper sticker on the car in the parking lot. I am tempted to wait for the driver to return, so I can hug him or her.  What is it about the arts that heal?  No matter the medium, art tells a story. The soil of creativity becomes richest when we honor the particularities of our lives. Art heals because the act of creating helps us honor the particularities of our lives, and in the telling of our stories, we become connected to others.

Any art form works, but I have the most experience with this in writing. The creative and courageous act of recall, organizing our thoughts, drawing from a pool of words, lining them into meaningful sentences, paragraphs, pages often surprises with accompanying tears, relief, and a shift towards equanimity.

This shift results because our telling moves our memories from the subconscious to the page. Unexamined memories can drone repetitive messages beneath the surface of our consciousness often trapping us in identities as victims.  When we bring our attention and artistry to our good hard life, we bring our memories to the light and hold them with the wisdom of our present maturity. Writing alone is powerful, but sharing what we write intensifies the healing even more.

This past Memorial Day, I thought of a profound lecture I heard from author and psychoanalyst,  Dr. Edward Tick. He specializes in caring for veterans with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and advises friends and families to support veterans' healing by encouraging them to tell their storeis. New York University now offers a creative writing program for veterans assisting them with a community of support and a place to hone their craft. In talking to compassionate listeners, soldiers have a better chance of transforming their imprisoning nightmares to spiritual strength. And so it is for spirited women in need of healing.

I tell writers in my groups that though we are not a therapy group, telling our stories is therapeutic.  We do not listen to each others' work as invitation to discuss people's lives; rather we respond by helping the writer see where and how others resonate.  This done with confidentiality emboldens the creators to consider all aspects of life as worthy material for creative exploration. The deepest human fear is to be alone, so our hearts soar when we share our stories and find we are safe.

Healing of course is not unique to biographical writing. We can explore our stories in many art forms, and yet it may also be true that the kind of connection we need is through sharing the process even more than the product. Healing can occur with our friends as we glaze ceramics, stitch quilts, or garden together. Creating in community provides an easy context for gentle conversation. May you spirited women,  let the wisdom of your art, lead you to enjoy the nurture of healing creativity.

Sue Sutherland-Hanson
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Playing With Fire

Who hasn't been tempted to play with fire? Come on, ladies, I know there's a wild woman in there somewhere. And when you think of those times you've "played with fire" in your life, how do you feel?

I worry about you answering to yourself, 'What I feel is shame.' I know I've done some really firey and really dumb things that can still trigger shame in me. But fire is a wonderful, powerful element that is crucial for healing in our lives. Let's explore how and why.

The reason it's dangerous to play with fire is because it's so powerful. Contained in a fire pit, where children can roast marshmallows and make smores, it's a warm, magical friend that coaxes out songs and stories and laughter and ...warmth within us. Uncontained, it can be a fierce destroyer.

This is true of any power. Indigenous wisdom reminds us that the only difference between healing and sorcery is intention. Used without responsibility and integrity, fire in a person can lead to abuse, oppression, or crime. But used for love, fire can make any room come alive--especially the bedroom.

Who can you think of who possesses the inner quality of fire? My husband is quick to laugh, ready to adventure and has a fierce commitment to his work and his ideals--and it's also almost impossible to win an argument with him! But I was attracted to his fire, and still am.

Firey people cannot be fully tamed. And that is good for people like me, who tend to be people pleasers. We all need a place within us where we are untamed, where we are the Women Who Run With the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes' classic.. If we become completely tamed by the culture, or by the rules and expectations of others, we dry up and wither. The flame goes out, and we are in danger of having no desire left.

Fire is desire. It is courage. It is commitment to an ideal. It is passion. And it is transformation. In shamanic traditions, fire is the great transformer. We can bury things we don't want any more in the earth, but the fastest way to transform and release them is to set them on fire.

Let me suggest some safe ways to play with fire:

1. Write something you'd like to release from your life and yourself on a piece of paper. Put it in a safe container and set it on fire. Watch it transform. That's your life, transforming. (Now all you have to do is live out the new truth.)

2. Put something red in the corner of your office. Good feng shui, right?  Which corner did you pick--relationships? Career? Money?

3. Want to "fire up" your sex life? Or have you lost the desire?  What is it that would light that flame again? Can you ask for that?

4. At the new moon, light a candle for each direction. You're using fire to call in the powers of transformation on a day for new beginnings. At the full moon, light those candles to honor what has been fulfilled and completed.

5. Finally, what one wonderful thing can you do to keep the wild you alive inside? What has been overly tamed and needs 'firing up?" The life force inside you is worth tending, and the rewards will be tastier than the best smore you ever imagined.

Pamela Hale, http://www.ThroughADifferentLens.com
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A Beginner’s Mind

The biggest challenge I’ve experienced with my relocation to Ecuador has been my limited Spanish skills. I’ve taken a few classes and really do want to master the language, but it is slow going for me.

However, not speaking the language has been a very good spiritual exercise for me. I’ve always found communication easy. I love to write, teach, and even speak to large groups. I’ll admit it; I take pride in my abilities to connect with people easily and comfortably.

And, if I am totally honest, a part of me (I don’t like to share) has judged others with poor communication skills as somehow less than me. I never noticed this about myself until the tables were turned and I was the one struggling to communicate.

Where I live in Ecuador, it is very obvious that I am an alien. The local women are tiny, most less than five feet tall.  At 5’10, I stand out in the crowd. LOL

There are very few foreigners living in this small town, Gualaceo, so local people are curious about who I am and why I’m here. Many families have sons who spent years in the USA working so it seems curious that someone from the US would come to Ecuador by choice.

Everywhere I go, people are eager to chat with me. I feel so inadequate when I am not able to chat with them. I can answer very basic questions but after that, I have to apologize, smile, and hope they can sense my sincere desire to be part of the community despite my lack of verbal ability.

Thankfully, people here are very kind and have a good sense of humor. They don’t laugh out loud when I say I burned my hand on a cold stove, lived here for three cows, or answered a question about where I am from by saying I have three sisters. When I’m at the market and can’t understand the price of things, I just hold out my change and watch as the correct amount is carefully counted out and the vendor slowly says 3.75 so I can learn.

I’ve had to adopt a beginner’s mind to communication and cultivate the ability to laugh at myself, celebrate small progress, and be willing to make lots of mistakes.  The more I try to engage in conversation, the easier it becomes.

Are you struggling to master something too?

Try adopting a beginner’s mind and allowing yourself to enjoy the messy process of growth and experimentation. When you can fail often and not beat yourself up for it, you’ll find the process of learning a new skill invigorating and fun.

Lynne Klippel,  www.BusinessBuildingBooks.com
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Under the Big Tent

(Spoiler Alert: If you’re not a tent person, the last paragraph may change your mind.)

As a naïve young mother, I hoped my sons would grow up to be Eagle Scouts. And to put them in the right spirit, we introduced camping early on.

Important lesson #1: Always practice pitching your tent before leaving home.

On our maiden voyage into camping life, we set off for Northern Italy with our rented equipment fixed to the roof of our Pontiac. Arriving just north of Milan near dinner time, we were eager to pitch the tent and then eat. But much to our shock, the tent box had no instructions and it was not user-friendly, so we relied on a team of helpful Italians to set us up as we looked on, stupefied and stupid.

We were so embarrassed that the next morning we staged a pre-dawn get-away. We arrived at Lido di Jesolo near Venice early in the afternoon, giving us plenty of time to try again, but soon enough we realized that our hasty departure left some important poles behind.  So we tied a rope from the top loop to a tree branch. (An Eagle Scout problem-solves.) While we ate dinner at St. Mark’s Square, we watched a fantastic lightning storm in the sky. We returned to camp around midnight only to find that the same storm had blown our tent away. In the end, our kids did not become Eagle Scouts. But I did keep camping.

Important Lesson #2: Never set up a tent under a coconut tree.

As an American History teacher in Ghana, I took my students to the slave castles to study the beginnings of the slave trade. We found a beautiful beach in Cape Coast, where we could camp, swim, and eat fresh lobster after spending the day in dank, depressing slave dungeons. We also learned physics: a coconut falling from a great height can collapse a tent.

Important Lesson #3: Hire an outfitter

In India my students and I camped along the banks of the Ganges River (near the source, where the water is crystal clear). Himalayan River Runners operates a wonderful campground near Rishikesh (where the Beatles found their guru). We rafted each day on everything  from smooth waters to class five rapids. They cooked a wonderful dinner and then built a bonfire, where we told stories and then star-gazed.

Important Lesson #4: Never judge a tent by its name.

You have probably heard of yurts, round tents with wooden floors, but my friends and I found something even better—Raj Villas in Jaipur, India. We arrived on a slow day, and they changed us to a tent. I was insulted until I saw my (usually) $700 accommodation. In air conditioning, we lay back on the king-sized bed and gold-gazed at the stunning gold embroidered ceiling ten feet above us. We luxuriated in the claw-foot bathtub and overall learned what it was like to be a rajah or a rani back in the day. My kind of camping!

- Nancy Adair  nancyadair2002@yahoo.com
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Learning to Appreciate What You Don’t Like

Do you have those tasks and chores in life that you really, really don’t like? We all do – it’s just part of being a responsible adult.  And it seems the harder we resist these activities, the unlikeable they become…
 
Recently, I planted flowers in my front yard. To say I am a gardener is a gross misstatement – a green thumb was never my gift!  And unlike many of my friends and clients, having my hands in the soil does not bring nirvana.

So I was pleasantly surprised the other day to finish the flower beds and feel a great degree of satisfaction -- satisfaction not that the chore was completed, but how well it turned out.  After plopping the last saliva into its designated place, I stood back and admired my handiwork. It actually looked good, and for some reason that not only surprised me, I felt an overwhelming sense of appreciation for a job well done when I would rather not have done it!

Think of the times this is true for you – perhaps it is caring for another when you see their sincere gratitude for your efforts. Or you help a lost animal find its forever home.  Or you review your child’s spelling words for the umpteenth time.  We all have activities where we’d rather commit that energy to something else…

Now consider the gift this activity or chore contributes – to you, another person or maybe your community.  What can you sincerely appreciate as a result of this experience?  Can you shift your resistance to acceptance and learn to appreciate you don’t like?

Allison Blankenship, http://www.allisonspeaks.com,  http://www.UpsideTheBook.com
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Possible, Probable, Preposterous

When your heart is in your dreams, no request is too extreme. -- sung by Jiminy Cricket in 1940 movie "Pinocchio" - "When You Wish Upon a Star" -song written by Leigh Harline and Ned Washington

This week I was pondering what is Possible, what is Probable, and what is patently Preposterous. (I was also noticing that there are 6 p's in that sentence!)

Recently I had lunch with friends; we all met eighteen years ago in a now-disbanded multimedia group. In 1995, when I was newly widowed and had recently moved to Marin County from Silicon Valley, one of those friends was -- I thought -- a Possible future romantic interest.

This is where you can see the sharp difference between the term "Possible" -- in which there is a vague "potential" that something might happen -- and "Probable" -- a much more hopeful term, in which there is a good "likelihood" that something will happen. But, in this case, what I thought might eventually be Possible was, as it turns out, "Preposterous" -- a term that sprints into "never-never-will-happen" land.

You see, my imagination had been working overtime; what I thought might be Possible with that friend had no connection to reality.

So then I started thinking: into which of those three categories -- Possible, Probable, Preposterous -- do these four current dreams fit?

- Celebrating my birthday next March in Rome
- Becoming a sought-after editor and writer
- Elevating the Fun Factor to a constant reality -- hearing live jazz, going to plays and art galleries, enjoying fine restaurants
- Visiting Greece, Spain, and Portugal for the first time, and making return trips to England and France

Honestly, none of the four dreams seems to be Preposterous. And best of all, not only do they all seem Possible, they all seem Probable!

Linda Jay Geldens, www.LindaJayGeldens.com
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