Spirited Woman Blogger Team

Best Wishes

The only difference between a wish and a prayer is that you're at the mercy of the universe for the first, and you've got some help with the second. -- Jodi Picoult, American novelist

Does it sometimes seem to you that your best wishes take their own sweet time coming true, even though you pray sincerely for them to happen and work diligently toward their manifestation?

I know that I've been guilty in the past of what's called "magical thinking" -- that's where you believe that an action not actually related to a course of events can actually influence its outcome. A very simple example would be when you cross your fingers, wishing hard for good fortune to come your way, and then shortly thereafter, good fortune does appear. Now, did the action of crossing your fingers cause that good fortune, or influence its appearance? Most probably not, and yet if you are a "magical thinker," well, then, you believe that there is indeed a direct correlation between crossing your fingers and experiencing good fortune.

At times I've attempted to employ this "magical thinking" belief to make a fervently desired wish come true quickly...but alas, the magic hasn't worked. The wish just will not come true until the time is right.

Example: For five years after I was widowed in 1994, I wished that I could find a wonderful man again and marry him. But all the wishing in the world couldn't make that dearly held dream come true until the timing was right. In 1999 I met Ed Geldens, who had driven from Miami to the little Bay Area town of Sausalito, where I was living, because he found a job online there. We really did experience magic (not magical thinking, however). That's because the time was right, the circumstances were right, and we "recognized" immediately (I mean, within 15 minutes -- and that is the truth) that we were the right people for each other. I'd been widowed for five years, he'd been divorced for twelve years. And there it was -- our mutual wish to find a wonderful mate had finally been granted.

So keep honoring your best wishes, and eventually, when the time is right, they are bound to come true!

Linda Jay Geldens, www.LindaJayGeldens.com
Click here for more of Linda's posts.

Guest Blogger - Andrea Chilcote - The Story of This Very Moment

How does one "Re-Write the Story of Their Life?" Leadership development expert, Andrea Chilcote addresses the answer in her riveting three part series. This is her second post in the series. We welcome Andrea as our guest blogger.

Re-telling the story of your life requires examining the story you are living today. Even if – perhaps especially if – you are in transition, you are writing the story of your life right now, with each thought you have and each breath you take.

Many years ago I was living in a seemingly foreign place, away from my husband and four-legged family, finishing out a commitment to a job while anticipating a move to start my business. I was both exhilarated and terrified about my future, and anxious to be finished with my current assignment. And, I was lonely.

In hindsight, I learned a lesson. I had put my life “on hold,” working too much at a job that was unfulfilling, longing to be with my family, and obsessing about the future. Toward the end of the eight month period, I met a young family who invited me into their life. This brief experience helped me recognize that I had squandered the precious present moment far too long. Rather than engaging in life where I was, I had been living in a world of “what-if’s,” an uncomfortable mental state in which I was trying to hold on to what had really ended while unable to step fully into my future.

Change expert William Bridges suggests that in any transition, we experience a stage of letting go, then a stage of neutrality in which nothing feels grounded or clear; finally, those two stages are followed by a period of orienting to new beginnings. I suggest, while these are natural stages we must pass through, we can continue to live the story of a meaningful life even inside the so-called neutral zone. It’s as simple as showing up.

Are you telling yourself a story about a past that’s over or a future that has not yet arrived? What story would you tell about your life right now? Being a Spirited Woman implies engagement and vitality. Even if you would rather be somewhere else, what can you do today, this moment even, to come alive again?

The fleeting present moment is filled with potential opportunities and possibilities, yet we often miss them because we’re consumed by a mind cluttered with thoughts about the past or the future. Stop – then look, listen and feel. Are you willing to engage in the precious opportunity before you?

Andrea Chilcote, www.morningstarventures.com
Click here for more of Andrea's posts.

Andrea Chilcote is an executive coach, leadership development expert and author of the newly released book Erik’s Hope: The Leash That Led Me to Freedom, a recent Spirited Woman Book Pick. Andrea’s work reflects a practical knowledge of the issues and concerns people are facing at this difficult time. She has a keen skilled and intuitive ability to facilitate transformational change in individuals and organizations, and does so through her consulting practice, Morningstar Ventures. She lives in Cave Creek, Arizona with her husband, dogs and horses.

So Believe in Divine Intervention, Will Ya?

Two potentially excellent professional connections have occurred within the past two weeks, from the oddest beginnings. And neither of these new link-ups could have been planned, or predicted, or programmed.

They just...happened.

It seems that the Powers That Be are trying to tell me Something -- simply relax, and see what transpires in your life. Believe in the real possibility of Divine Intervention. The Powers That Be do indeed listen to your requests, although your answers may come in the most unusual ways. This Spirited Woman needs to TRUST more...that seems to be the clear message here!

Let me tell you what's been going on.

Two weeks ago, I made an appointment with a skin care studio for my twice-yearly eyebrow shaping. It's a twenty-minute session, at most, and the facial specialist who works with me has always been pleasant, competent, and amusing to chat with.

This time, we talked about our husbands' work. We discovered that her husband is working in exactly the same area my husband is -- "green" mobile applications (apps) on wireless handheld devices.  She thought our husbands ought to talk. We exchanged our husbands' business cards, they contacted each other...and now there's a very good possibility that they will work together on several future projects.

A week later, we went to one of our local watering holes one afternoon for a delicious salad, pizza, and wine.  At the bar, we started talking with the woman sitting next to us.  Turns out, she runs her own global marketing and advertising consultancy in San Francisco.  She was delighted to learn that I'm a writer, and two days after we met, she e-mailed me her professional bio and asked me to completely rewrite it for an upcoming conference brochure.  I did, she loves it, and the upshot is, there's a very good possibility that we will work together on several future projects.

Moral of this story: Trust.  Trust.  Trust.

Linda Jay Geldens, www.LindaJayGeldens.com
Click here for more of Linda's posts.

Burma Is Opening Up - Just Ask Hillary Clinton

If you've been boycotting Myanmar (Burma) for fear that your tourist dollars would support a military junta, it’s time to reconsider. Things have changed. Since Hillary Clinton’s historic and pivotal December visits with Aung San Suu Kyi and Burmese government officials, the country is opening up.

These two powerful and courageous women have created an attitudinal sea change, and will, I’m sure, continue to pressure Burmese leaders for more transparency and human rights as they pressure Western leaders to ease more sanctions.

But don’t postpone your visit. Progress tends to diminish uniqueness and push developing countries toward the generic. See Myanmar while it is still authentic, old world Asia, while it’s still a tranquil country with the most gentle, humble people you’ll ever meet.

The typical Myanmar tour includes the big four: Yangon, (Rangoon), Bagan, Mandalay, and Inle Lake. If you have extra time, squeeze in a few days at Ngapali Beach on the Bay of Bengal.

Our guide from Exotissimo Travel met us at the airport on an evening in April (Southeast Asia’s hottest month). As we drove to the hotel, we were suddenly mesmerized by a spectacular temple of gleaming gold. We were so awe struck our guide said, “maybe we should stop now.” In the coolness of the evening we entered the Schwedegon Pagoda complex and circumambulated the bell-shaped stupa, which is covered in eight tons of pure gold, studded above with 2,000 diamonds and lit against the night sky. As we circled around in the traditional clockwise direction, we observed families and friends meeting to commune and worship together in the peacefulness of Yangon’s holiest Buddhist shrine.

When is a Cat Not a Cat? When It's Jack...

Two years ago, a friend asked a favor. Someone tossed a 4-month old kitten in the parking lot of her office.  Since our two resident cats were visiting the grandparents, she asked if I would “foster” the kitten for a few weeks.  Well, you can guess what happened…yep, I am “foster failure.”

With long black fur, white paws and goatee, “Jack” is a beautiful animal. Right off the bat this cat was different from our other furry felines though. Most cats are known for their independence and sometimes downright indifference. Not Jack. It was evident that Jack had been someone’s pet as he was terrified by being on his own for a few nights in the parking lot.

But unlike our other four-legged friends, Jack craves human time. Right away he camped out in my lap and slept for hours. He draped himself upon my husband’s feet; he even crawled up on our shoulders when we sat on the couch. If he wasn’t directly on some part of our body, he would stretch his paws out and gently touch us. Jack just could not get enough human contact.

At first, we attributed his constant companionship as needing an anchor after a storm….but his affection continued. He would wait by the front door to greet us, sometimes “talking” to us after a nap or meal. Of all the cats in my lifetime, Jack’s social behavior is more like a dog than a cat.

Tragedy struck almost six months after Jack joined the family. My beloved calico of 10 years had to be put down. Another rescue kitty, she developed a lung condition that was irreversible, so I made the decision to not continue her suffering. Even though it was the right choice, it was one of the hardest in my life. I was devastated.

The minute I returned home from the vet, Jack knew something was wrong. Sensing my grief and seeing my tears, that cat refused to leave my side. He lay beside me and watched me closely, this time not asking for affection but giving it. I awoke more than once to find myself wrapped in his embrace – not very “catly” of him at all!

As I write this, Jack is laying by my desk, ready to give me a big grin whenever I look his way. His demeanor and social graces helped heal the hole in my heart, and I look forward to his furry face every time I return home.

It’s a documented medical fact that pets improve your health, and personally, I believe rescue animals make amazing companions. Most certainly know that they’ve been given a second lease on life, so consider adding a four-legged member to your family. If you can’t adopt, then volunteer in time or dollars.  Check with your local animal shelters or veterinarian – the next life you rescue may be your own!

- Allison Blankenship, http://www.allisonspeaks.com,  http://www.UpsideTheBook.com
Click here to read more of Allison's posts.

The Lantern Festival

For the Chinese, two weeks after the New Year comes another celebration, the Lantern Festival. During this festival people light gaily-colored lanterns as decorations, similar to Christmas tree lights in the West.

There are also performances of gymnastics, lion dances, magic, walking on stilts, and the solving of riddles. At my home, when I was a child living in China, we would eat tang-yuan -- sweet rice flour made into sticky balls filled with sesame, red-bean or peanut butter paste. The roundness and sweetness of the food symbolizes good luck and family union.

What inspires me the most about the Lantern Festival in ancient China is not the spectacles themselves, but the freedom that was allowed. In the past, people, particularly women, were not allowed to go places freely, especially after a certain time in the evening. Therefore this was the only day that women could dress up, go out and enjoy themselves.

The Lantern Festival was also a day for romance. In the guise of appreciating lanterns, young men and women could meet freely and fall in love.

Unfortunately, unlike romance novels, love during the Lantern Festival in ancient China did not always have happy endings. Thus the famous poem by Ouyang Xiu:

Last year during the Lantern Festival the evening was lit bright as day.
As the moon quietly rose above the willow branches, men and women had rendezvous in the twilight.
This year during the Lantern Festival, the moon and the lights were the same,
But the one I met last year is nowhere to be found, leaving only tears wetting my sleeves.
        
Mingmei Yip, http://www.mingmeiyip.com
Click here to read more of Mingmei's posts.

Rose-Colored Glasses

I can see clearly now, The rain is gone....It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day. - Song written by Johnny Nash, 1972

Ah, yes, I really can see clearly now -- literally.

And here's Johnny Nash, singing the very upbeat song I can see clearly now, that he wrote in 1972.

One of the "luxuries" this Spirited Woman could not afford during the past several years of economic hardship was an appointment with an eye doctor, and, best of all, new glasses. I could tell from the way I was squinting at the computer screen, and even when I tried to read names in the phone book, that it was time to get my eyes tested.  I knew my eyes had changed.

A new prescription would, of course, mean that I would have to buy new glasses, and new sunglasses (my eyes do not work well with "transitional" lenses). The cost -- way more than I could afford during my situration of the past few years.

So I struggled along, squinting, frustrated, enduring the occasional twenty-minute episode of "jagged lights"
(ocular migraine aura) that I experience once or twice a year when I'm under stress. I was sure that eventually, our financial situation would improve so that I could get new glasses.

Well...that time arrived this month, January. Both my husband and I were able to walk proudly into the eyeglass store, spend the requisite amount of time having our eyes thoroughly tested (yes, our eyes had changed, but not drastically, and basically our eyes are healthy), and then having the sheer pleasure of choosing new, much more up-to-date frames in terms of colors and shapes. Heaven!

I donated two pairs of my no-longer-useful eyeglasses to the optometrist, to give to an organization called OneSight, which has been providing glasses to people worldwide for over 20 years. That made me feel good!

And then I stepped out into the bright sunshine, seeing more clearly than I had in years.

Linda Jay Geldens, www.LindaJayGeldens.com
Click here for more of Linda's posts.

Guest Blogger - Andrea Chilcote - Which Story are You Telling?

How does one "Re-Write the Story of Their Life?" Now, that is an interesting question and one many spirited women around the world might be asking themselves. In her three part series, leadership development expert, Andrea Chilcote addresses the answer. In part one she asks, "Which story are you telling?" We welcome Andrea as our guest blogger.

Some time ago I had a conversation with a colleague who was making a difficult choice to leave both a job and a marriage that were consuming her very life force. I observed that this opportunity had been knocking on her door for years, getting louder and more persistent over time, and that perhaps she should answer the call. If not, the door was about to be busted through and the house blown down, as the proverbial wolf did in the Three Little Pigs.

A watershed moment for her, she realized that one cannot proclaim to be self-aware and committed to living purposefully, in integrity, if unwilling to make changes in a life that's not working.

You’ve heard the saying: “The devil you know is better than the devil you don't.” This paradigm is why many people stay in abusive relationships, endure dysfunctional employers, and fail to take the leap toward long-held dreams. Change itself is not what we fear; it's the transition that we endure getting from here to there that's not for the faint of heart. Perhaps so many spirited women are in "transition" because we have the courage of conviction. What is the spark behind that courage? The choice to take full responsibility for one's life.

Any story we tell about difficulty in our lives can be told in two ways. In story one, we tell what happened; a play by play account of wins and losses, who did what and why - from our own point of view. The flaw with this method is just that - our own point of view! If things didn’t turn out as we wished, it's easy to tell a story of what happened to us, what was done to us, and how unfair it all was. Story two is very different. Story two is an account we tell taking full responsibility for everything that happened. It’s a way of examining the beliefs we held, the decisions we made and the actions we took that led to other’s actions or so-called fate stepping in.

Which story is most true? Even though story one is literally true, story two, the story in which we step fully into the great gift of an empowered life, is the only story worth telling.