If you want all the men in your life
to love, honor, and respect you,
YOU must learn this beautiful song.
The below article is written by Wende Wylie's good friend, Ruth B. Shields.
When my friend Wende Wylie invited me to attend her “Hidden Language of Men” workshop about the non-verbal language men use to communicate, I wondered whether it would make any difference in how I related to my Dad when I visit him once a month as a weekend caregiver.
My Dad has always been very verbal, processing his feelings and figuring out what he wants to do by talking things out with his friends, his wife, and his kids. Now a stroke survivor with brain damage affecting his abilities to process emotions, perform sequential actions, remember dates and times, and orient things in space, my Dad is often upset and struggling to understand why he cannot live alone now or after his impending divorce.
In Wende’s workshop, we learned to balance male and female energy through our chakras, understand our own and recognize others’ communication styles using a system called the True Colors, reduce emotional stress using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), and recognize differences in our own and others’ preferred ways of expressing and receiving love and apologies.
Dissipating my own fears using EFT, I found myself sharing the True Colors with my Dad. Instead of ridiculing it as pseudo-science or pop psychology, he listened carefully and then began exploring out loud what his wife must have been going through with him even before his strokes that might have contributed to their divorce. He proceeded to work out for himself that she was not an evil person, and had struggled for a long time before deciding that she needed to leave and get herself out of a situation the stress of which was killing her. In each call and visit since then, I have found that I now have an infinite patience for him to work through it again and again, and most of our conversations are now about enjoyable things in his life.
This not-so-subtle change in my relationship with my Dad is a typical result that people are getting from taking The Hidden Language of Men workshop, so I started asking them what had opened up for them.
My friend Hanna told me, “I came out of the workshop understanding that men communicate through a collective with one another and assume that women are in that collective, too, so they don’t say things they think we’re already hearing.”
More spectacularly, Hanna is now in a relationship after saying she’s wanted one for 20 years: “It has been the easiest and the most expressive relationship I’ve ever been in because I can relax knowing how he's communicating. I don't have to know what he's thinking. I can simply experience what he's experiencing. In fact, he told me the other day that this has been the best relationship for him because he can be himself, and he's never been able to be so much himself in a relationship.”
Thrilled for Hanna, I learned that Ruben, a man I had met at the workshop I had attended, had taken The Hidden Language of Men a second time and had similar great results to share: “I learned for myself I had a high level of female energy, so I worked with a coach skilled at elevating male energy and met with a hypnotherapist and was able to access, release, and deal with deep anger I had suppressed for a long time. In the process, I have been able to access more of my male energy and be more in balance with my female energy.”
Learning the True Colors has been a boon to his new relationship, too.
“We're not always in tune with each other,” Ruben says, “but when we do recognize that we're not in tune with each other, we can stop and communicate to the color we're being. I can be a complete Orange, and communicate to her in the way she needs, and she can be a complete Gold and communicate to me the way I need her to for me to be able to hear it.”
EFT helped Ruben at work, too, where, as a bus driver, a mistake could put lives at risk. “I would do EFT before I drive and while I was driving, tapping on the steering wheel and on my chest, so people wouldn’t see what I was doing. Just tapping on the wheel and on my chest would trigger the rest of my neurosensors, so I could just focus on driving.”Wende Wylie can be reached by email at WendeWylie@gmail.com or by phone at 805-835-3731, and she would love to hear from you on her new fan Facebook page.